"The Democrats have moved to the right, and the right has moved into a mental hospital." - Bill Maher
It's too hot to handle so I gotta get up and go
It's a cruel ... cruel summer"
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
And now the band comes in like a Mafia wedding, from the less successful and altogether cheesier end of organized crime. Maedgen wears a suit & tie; another band member wears a frilly tuxedo shirt. They carry their instruments under their arms.
They toss their instruments on the stage and start playing; the onslaught is sudden and devastating. Behind the microphone, Maedgen looks like Sid Vicious with a Wayne Newton mustache. Some of their instruments are of their own invention, and some of the noises that come out of them are indescribably intense. The band plays a short set - maybe half an hour - and the effect is cathartic.
We leave the tent in a daze. There are still moments in life when, for a Short & Fast moment, you realize that Rock isn't dead, not yet. There are also times when you have to Get Things Done quickly, even suddenly. You know what I'm saying?
Posted by Barry Cochran at 2:25 PM
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Now, the Truth Squad has learned that this activity is not limited to Amarillo, but is, in fact, taking place throughout the South. This picture was taken Sunday at the Voodoo Music Festival in NOLA. As before, the photo clearly shows a tall
The Truth Squad calls for this renewed burst of racist action against
Posted by Barry Cochran at 2:13 PM
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Lets travel forward in time, and look at what the bobbleheads on TV are saying.
There is a new President Clinton, we are in recession, War in Iraq is coming to a close, same idiots in the media.
The country is still being manipulated by hate/fear/greed on the right and the ineffective Democratic leadership is getting pinballed, and still just reacting instead of controlling the narrative.
This is what I think we will be hearing . . .
This morning on FOX "News", America loses a war for the first time in our nation's history!! President Hillary Clinton pulled the last American troops out of Iraq, in what some are calling Saigon part II. Bill Kristol is here to bring us up to speed . . . CLICK
Good morning I'm Matt Lauer, I'm Meredith Viera, welcome to the TODAY show. Top story, how did the Democrats lose Iraq? Where does America go from here, and how much does it help the Republicans? Tim Russert has more. . . CLICK
Now on CNN, Top news: Somalia part II? In 1993, Bill Clinton came into office with troops on the way to Somalia and started his presidency with military failure. Now another President Clinton, and another failu. . . CLICK
Welcome to Hardball, I'm Chris Mathews. America has it's first woman President, and America's first lost war. Are women too weak on defense, and are we now more in danger with a woman in the white hou . . . CLICK
This Week with George Stephanopoulos. Today the panel will be looking at two important issues being discussed here inside the beltway. Why did the democrats lose in Iraq, and is a woman just too weak to be credible on defense. George Will, what do you . . . Fu**ing CLICK!!!
Brother and sisters . . . if the Democrats do not force Bush and the Republicans to own Iraq. If we do not defund this evil BEFORE there is a new democrat in the white house, it will be OUR failure.
We need to hang these disgusting failures squarely on the repubs. Tar them for history.
Iraq? a Bush-type conflict: an unending occupation without post-war planning:
Economy: A Bush-style malaise: destructive deficits, with no competent oversight, followed by a middle class meltdown.
Posted by Prodigal Son at 10:47 AM
Friday, October 19, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
(Bill Clements Unit, Amarillo, Texas) So I run into a little trouble back in the mid-90s. I done what they call a "criminal lifestyle".
An' you know what? My own neighbors done turned me in. And then this cop guy with Bozo-the-Clown hair parachuted out of the sky and called me a "maggot" before slapping th' cuffs on me.
I knew I done wrong. But his constant usage of homoerotic imagery during my interrogation was quite disturbing.
I mean, he kep' talkin 'bout what perversions I was gonna do to all the other inmates. I didnt wanna do no perversions. But he just keep talkin 'bout them. An' thass when he give me my new name, Bubba.
Afore that, I wuz jest called by muh birth name, Thaddeus Octavius Cato III.
I allus wondered what happen to that cop. Weel, today I sawr him agin:
He ain't got the Bozo hair no more nor the parachute, but it shore is him.
You know, a lot of inmates find Jesus in here. I hain't. But I sure am lookin forward to seein Mr Officer Shumate agin.
Posted by Barry Cochran at 8:40 PM
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Here with a commentary is a grumpy old man. Welcome, Grumpy Old Man…
Grumpy Old Man: I'm old, and I'm not happy. Everything today is improved, and I don't like it. I hate it! In my day we didn't have cell phones. If you wanted to howl at another Australopithecus, you stood out on the savannah and howled! You couldn’t "text," but all three of the verbs that had been invented were still verbs and that's the way it was and you liked it! You loved it. Whoopee, I can say “eat” and “fire burn” and “run from Moeritherium” and not a noun in sight! Except for “fire” and “Moeritherium,” that is. Those are nouns, aren’t they, Debs?
There was nothing you could do about it. If you had something an adult didn’t want you to have, they hit you over the head with their big stick and took it and that's the way it was and we liked it! We loved it. Hallelujah, look at me, I'm a teenage Australopithecus afarensis getting hit over the head with a big stick, oh happy day! Not like today, everybody talking to each other. I hate it!
In my day we didn't have this communication. So you could enjoy life. In my day there were only about ten words. You said ugh and pointed and that was enough! And half the time you didn't even know what you were pointing at. We used the same words over and over again! 'Cause we were ignorant morons! Just a bunch of teenage Australopithecae standing around pointing and howling and that's the way we liked it!
Posted by Barry Cochran at 4:25 PM
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Several years ago I moved mysef and my nephew to Canyon and I haven't look back since. Canyon is superior to Amarillo in every way as you can tell by driving down our streets. That's what I say!
Our uniform brick houses all look exactly the same in a way that Amarillo homes could not hope to look exactly the same. Haha! That's what I say, and I'm proud to say it!
So I was proud to attend the Square on the Fair today, as all Canyon residents are required to.
I was somewhat concerned that the new president of WT (I proudly refuse to call it WT A&M! That's what I say!) might try to sell beer at the Square on the Fair! He's from New Orleans, you know, and after Hurricane Katrina all sorts of criminal elements spread out throughout the United States of A. I call it a lowlife diaspora, and we got our share, we certainly did!! I've heard that President New Orleans allows people to drink wine at official WT events. Canyon is dry because God made it that way, that's what I say!
I should say, was dry. Because now the drunkards can have tow beers at that Field House. That should be more than enough for anyone, that's what I say.
It's a good thing that President New Orleans didn't try to sell beer at Square on the Fair today, but he did allow in something even worse.
Much, much worse.
Much, much, much worse.
Much, much, much, much worse.
Much, much, much, much, much worse.
DemoncRATS, that's what he let in! That's right, DemoncRATS. They were trying to tell how George Bush is all bad and stuff. I told them George Bush loves Jesus. Haha. They din't know what to say to that!
The dumb diddlies.
Posted by Barry Cochran at 10:57 PM
Thursday, October 11, 2007
The mannequin needs to come down now! Have you seen this poor figure, apparently thrashing around in horrible pain?
I have. And I snapped this picture of the fellow as I drove down Georgia street. I was shocked enough to simultaneously call the police department - on its 9-1-1 emergency line - to report what I believed was a victim of unspeakable acts of torture.
The picture shows what appears to be a very tall man, lurching around in agony, his feet apparently bound together, and to the ground.
What's particularly offensive about this mannequin is the manner in which it "thrashes" as it is powered by air cylinders. To the casual observer, it apparently looks real enough for them to call 9-1-1. Further down the street I also observed a giant duck, similarly bound, but this time so securely that the poor beast was unable to move at all. I called PETA to report the duck's agony.
The Amarillo Police Department is duty bound to respond to emergency 9-1-1 calls. But surely PETA has better things to do.
Posted by Barry Cochran at 10:00 PM
by Pantex Plutonium Pussy
Nice try, evil doer. That billboard, located at Paramount and Western may tempt those of lesser will power, like Republican politicians and evangelical ministers, but it won't work on me. I'm insulted you think me to be that weak.
Positioning a row of seductive, feline posteriors dozens of feet off the ground so it was at eye level with my gigantic frame? Only your sick, evil mind would concoct such a brilliant scheme, but, it was all for naught.
I'm laughing at you, evil doer...laughing at your latest failed attempt to bring me down. Oh, do keep trying, though. I find these exercises entertaining.
Posted by blogarillo at 6:03 AM
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Republicans are not Christian and they do not believe in American values.
The right wing extremist supreme court just,
"terminated a lawsuit from a man who claims he was abducted and tortured by the CIA, effectively endorsing Bush administration arguments that state secrets would be revealed if the case were allowed to proceed.
Khaled el-Masri, 44, alleged that he was kidnapped by CIA agents in Europe and held in an Afghan prison for four months in a case of mistaken identity. The administration has not publicly acknowledged that el-Masri was detained, and lower courts dismissed his suit after the administration asserted that state secrets would be revealed if the lawsuit were not blocked.
The justices rejected his appeal without comment." (Highlights mine)
. . . more "The state secrets privilege arose from a 1953 Supreme Court ruling that allowed the executive branch to keep secret, even from the court, details about a military plane’s fatal crash.
Three widows sued to get the accident report after their husbands died aboard a B-29 bomber, but the Air Force refused to release it claiming that the plane was on a secret mission to test new equipment. The high court accepted the argument, but when the report was released decades later there was nothing in it about a secret mission or equipment."WTF! Really. Folks, our system of slightly publicly accountable government just had the stake driven through it.
The scumbag right is going after the 12 year old boy who gave the Saturday Democratic address supporting the SCHIP program including Rush Rumproar.
"Graeme and his 9-year-old sister, Gemma, were passengers in the family SUV in December 2004 when it hit a patch of black ice and slammed into a tree. Both were taken to a hospital with severe brain trauma. Graeme was in a coma for a week and still requires physical therapy.
Bonnie Frost works for a medical publishing firm; her husband, Halsey, is a woodworker. They are raising their four children on combined income of about $45,000 a year. Neither gets health insurance through work.
Having priced private insurance that would cost more than their mortgage - about $1,200 a month - they continue to rely on the government program. In Maryland, families that earn less than 300 percent of the federal poverty level - about $60,000 for a family of four - are eligible."
Compassionate conservatism and family values, my ass. Let me get this straight: this family has tried to better themselves at every turn, they are getting these kids the best education possible through some scholarships and family services to help them improve and perhaps have some semblance of a childhood. They are facing catastrophic medical bills, they want to save their kids and the Christian right wing has a problem.
Get ready for the faux outrage from D*ve H*nry about those rich people sucking off of HIS taxes. Some facts to write into the Amarillo Globe Republican, cause' you know they are gonna just stenograph righty bullshit.
1) Graeme has a scholarship to a private school. The school costs $15K a year, but the family only pays $500 a year.
2) His sister Gemma attends another private school to help her with the brain injuries that occurred due to her accident. The school costs $23,000 a year, but the state pays the entire cost.
3) They bought their “lavish house” sixteen years ago for $55,000 at a time when the neighborhood was less than safe.
4) Last year, the Frost’s made $45,000 combined. Over the past few years they have made no more than $50,000 combined.
5) The state of Maryland has found them eligible to participate in the CHIP program
Feel free to pre-empt the lying by writing a letter to the editor email@example.com
Posted by Prodigal Son at 1:23 PM
Monday, October 08, 2007
Quote from my 9 year old daughter:
Dad, they should call Amarillo "Bankarillo", because there are banks all over the place.Indeed. I'll leave it to you, dear reader, to decide if a bank branch on every other corner is necessarily a good thing.
Posted by blogarillo at 8:18 PM
It may not be an avalanche, but it is a precious little turd in the punchbowl. “First, I don't think President Bush is the only one who wanted to depose Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein, and he cannot authorize war without congressional backing. Amarillo Globe-News, October 7, 2007
Last time in our little update section we predicted that David Turney was going to run afoul of they who venerate the Sacred Bush. Did ye doubt it? Oh ye of little faith.
And on the fifth day he that was called Richard Determan did come forth with his epistle, and it was read by all the peoples, and thereafter for a generation and six he was known as a great git.
Turney said that Bush “lied to the United Nations and the American people in order to have his war in Iraq, did he not? He was the aggressor and should be brought to trial for his war crimes.”
To this Determan says:
Turney needs to wake up and remember 9/11.
Terrorists around the world started the war, and yes, Saddam was funding, in part, the Taliban and al-Qaida with black market oil, which still goes on.
Does Turney think it was humane when terrorists attacked the United States? If he does, then he needs to join them in Iraq.”
Oh doth the world tremble! Bush was bullied into war. It was all 9/11’s fault. Saddam funded the Taliban and al-Qaida! If you don’t believe it you’re a terrorist!
What a classic! No matter how many times the Saddam-al-Qaida connection is refuted; no matter how many times right-wingers say they never said it, never read it, never believed it, along comes another Richard Determan, representing over 60% of the country, to prove them wrong. And just to prove Determan knows he is absolutely Right, let us note his traditional conservative invitation to (loosely translated) “get the hell out of my country!”
Richard, when you want to start looking for those WMD’s I’ll buy you a shovel.
This has been brought to you by the opinion editor providing us the best in complete idiots, loonies and great gits for a long, long time, "The Nose." “If I can't smell it, does it stink?”
“First, I don't think President Bush is the only one who wanted to depose Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein, and he cannot authorize war without congressional backing.
Amarillo Globe-News, October 7, 2007
Posted by calamus venenum at 3:27 PM
Friday, October 05, 2007
Nyahh, Nyahh, Nyahh! You can't hit me!
Actually, tough flying aces never say Nyahh, Nyahh...
Drat this fog! It's bad enough to have to fight the Gay Baron without having to fly in weather like this. All right Gay Baron where are you? You can't hide forever!
Wait the moon has broken through. I see him there over the Golden Gate...or should I say Golden Gay Bridge. It's a Fokker Triplane and the guy flying it is one bad mother Fokker.
I've got you this time Gay Baron. Auggghh he's diving. Going down... You've tricked me again Gay Baron. Curse you and your kind. Curse the evil that causes all this unhappiness.
Here's the World War flying ace back at the aerodrome in Amarillo. He is exhausted and yet he dows not sleep, for one thought continues to burn in his mind.
Someday I'll get you Gay Baron.
Posted by lequino at 2:29 PM
After George published his conversation with Manny Perez, we decided to call the Potter County Commissioner ourselves. Following is our
verboten verbatim conversation with the Manny:
This is Commissioner Manny Perez and I’m gonna come over there and kick your ass. I know you’ve been putting me down. I’m a true natural American and you’ve been putting me down. I’m just being truthful here, I don’t like you and I don’t like what you do. I’ve been here 67 years and now I’m going to finish this. I’m gonna come over there and finish this. All you do is put down the east side. I’m the voice of the east side and I speak for my people. What about downtown, what about this? Downtown is the east side and I used to be a boxer, I speak for them. I am the east side, the entire east side and if you say, “Hello, Manny,” I’m gonna come over there and kick your ass, you son of a bitch.[*beeeeeeeep]
You’re not worth talking to. Leave your name and number at the tone, but you’re not worth talking to.
(The preceding fake quotation was presented by Satires that Suck, a division of Panhandle Truth Squad)
Potter County Commish Manny Perez, with an unidentified friend.
Posted by Barry Cochran at 12:03 PM
Thursday, October 04, 2007
IN THE SWEETEST display of amor del vaquero since Ennis received a postcard from Jack Twist, David H. Henry of the Amarillo Globe-Republican today defended the honor of the mythological American cowboy from-- who else? Who indeed would be both evil and powerful enough to take down such an institution after a century and a half of American myth-building? Who would have the balls to challenge Gene Autry? Who would be nefarious enough to destroy John Wayne?
Evil bloggers, that's who!
And what did those bad, bad bloggers do? Did they take down the Marlboro Man by carefully worded and biting satire? Of course not, you silly gazoinga! Bloggers suck at being satirical!
No, these pajama-clad arrested adolescents did what they always do: they brought down the Lone Ranger with ca-ca and doo-doo jokes. Because blogs "are the junior high bathroom wall of journalism".
Hm. Well, as the blogger Instapundit-- never at a loss for words-- might say, Indeed:
Posted by Barry Cochran at 10:10 PM
Welcome once again to “The Wonderful World of Warthogs,” the program devoted to examining our local warthog community, listening to their “historic voice” and seeing if we can learn anything from their incessant snorts and grunts.
We’re going to skip our scheduled subject for today, leaving Virgil Van Camp’s syphilis left untreated for another time, so we can consider a study in irony.
Yesterday in the Amarillo Peccary-Buttocks a pro-death penalty editorial was strangely juxtaposed with a column siding with
citizens residents outraged by a Halloween mannequin hanging from a billboard.
In the first the author is annoyed that the execution of Lawrence Russell Brewer might be halted because of a Kentucky case going before the Supreme Court. The question the Court will consider is whether lethal injection is “cruel and unusual punishment,” but according to the author, the law is being warped and the legal system manipulated by opponents of capital punishment.
In the second the author is irate at the offensive, tasteless display of a mannequin twisting in the wind. The jerking ghoul advertising a haunted house has shocked many people. For the author it must come down now and the public receive an apology.
At this point you are probably thinking to yourself that these editorials are rather more similar than different. Both authors are incensed and, if one is familiar with the Amarillo Peccary-Buttocks’ resident legal expert and constitutional scholar, one editorial is about a dummy and the other is written by one. So where is the paradoxical incongruity?
Let us return to our resident judicial authority. Using his impeccably crabbed “logic”, our scholar seems unaware that in a matter vital to a principle of law a delay is precisely what happens and must happen. Changes in law do affect settled cases, opening them to appeal or being overturned. His argument that executions prior to 1972 must have been unconstitutional is specious and cynical. Executions cannot be reversed (that is their charm) but death sentences were automatically commuted when the penalty was considered unconstitutional.
From other editorials it may be observed that the constitutional scholar has a pronounced, if not obsessive, preoccupation with violent crime and punishment. While he makes appeals to logic, law and the constitution, the scholar seems indifferent to, if not wholly ignorant of, how they function, as if learnt off a "junior high bathroom wall of journalism." He employs them as mere totems in the course of ranting against criminals and the betrayal of the justice system.
In these little tirades we are regaled with the lurid details of the act, the cruelty of the murderer, the minutia of the life and suffering of the victim, and the anguish of the survivors. Oddly the victim in the scholar’s piece this time, James Byrd, Jr., goes unnamed, a ciphered “blackman” chained and dragged to death.
These are not essays on law, logic or reason. The murder victims are not paraded before us to provoke sympathy, but props to arouse our passions. And who most of all shows a juvenile impatience to satisfy his blood lust?
Against our scholar’s bitter editorial hangs a mannequin, raising a controversy for and against. Despite what the Amarillo Peccary-Buttocks says, the mob warthogs are furious that anyone would consider removing it. They don’t want to even begin to think about someone else’s damn sensibilities, and would sooner lynch the lot of them than cut it down.
So here is the astonishing irony, that at the very moment the Amarillo Peccary-Buttocks is shocked and appalled, calling for the end of a fake hanging, it is demanding a real one.
Next week on “The Wonderful World of Warthogs” our guest will be failed commissioner candidate and commie-pinko liberal Erik V. Williams here to discuss Amarillo's giant pussy problem.
Thanks for tuning in, and see you next week.
Posted by calamus venenum at 6:00 PM
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
By Chip Chandelier
Not a Globe-News reviewer
The very recent attempt to bridge the blogosphere gap between Left and Right in this politically polarized city with a book signing, much like trying to spin a delicate gossamer thread across the Grand Canyon in a thunderstorm, met with rousing success in the Thundering Stampede Saloon last night. Fatalities were kept to a mere handful, casualties light, and property damage did not exceed $500,000.
All blog literati and illiterati were there to celebrate the occasion, with a few venomous exceptions, which no doubt contributed to the festive atmosphere of the evening.
For you GLTB folks out there, CelticTexan has finally come out of the closet, though in a bit of a rush having gone through the rest of Ivory Dome’s meth. As he bolted from the saloon he looked a little pinched, but he did manage to say goodbye to all the guests:
“Damn you, damn you all to hell!”
So let that be a lesson to you boys and girls. Don’t take your meth on an empty stomach.
We can't wait to read our Amarillo author's newest work, and look for a review of it in your friendly community newspaper if they ever hire someone who reads books and knows how to write reviews.
Posted by calamus venenum at 5:15 PM
by Jon Mark Balaam, former sportswriter
They had been on “a little bit better terms,” which is to say they had been able to stand in the same room without bloody murder being attempted. Bloggers all, they numbered about a dozen on the evening last week when they rode the great glass elevator to the elite spinning saloon high above revitalized downtown Amarillo and just one floor above Mr. R Spacedark’s offices in the sky.
Some drink Shiner Bock from bottles, others sip Red Bull and pure grain alcohol from tall glasses, and some bring their own plastic bottles of Mohawk-brand vodka . The delegation from a blog called Ivory Dome huddles in the corner partaking of homemade hooch and methamphetamine fresh from the hastily-assembled portable distillery they brought with them. Mr. Spacedark guzzles 200-year-old Irish whiskey straight from the bottle and shouts insults at friend and foe alike. All comers best bring a coating of extra-thick skin.
This motley group has assembled to celebrate the publication of The Collected Bloggings of R Spacedark, selected, edited, and annotated by Curious Texan. The collaboration was a match made somewhere south of the Pearly Gates. Spacedark writes for the notoriously liberal hate site Panhandle Truth Squad, while the gracious and cordial Curious Texan— a gentleman and a Christian, unlike Mr. Spacedark—writes for the witty and intelligent conservative site Ivory Dome.
I asked Mr. Texan—standing beside a strangely vibrating broom-closet door—how he had been able to stand working with the drunken Spacedark, and before he could answer the liberal hatemonger butted in with a typically cryptic rant. “It’s like how Mark Weaver used to have the largest pornography collection in Texas,” he said.
I exchanged a sympathetic glance with Texan. The only Mark Weaver I had known was a center for Quitaque’s 3-man football team back in the 70s, and I truly doubted that a football player would be so immoral as to look at stag films or dirty pictures. But then Spacedark was rambling about how Mark Weaver had been the head of the American Family Association in Texas. The closet door began rattling louder. Spacedark's comrade Blogarillo tried later to explain Mr. Spacedark’s nonsensical rant. “So many wingnuts seem to have a sick fascination with what they supposedly deplore. The further to the right someone is the more likely they are hiding something,” Mr. Blogarillo lied.
The door shook as a series of loud thuds was heard from behind it. “Curious knows what I’ve written better than I do,” Spacedark said. After sitting through a couple of clear-as-mud rants, I think that’s probably because Mr. Spacedark was drunk when he wrote it. So be it. Spacedark informed me that Mr. Texan could cite chapter and verse every loony lefty idea he’d ever espoused.
Well, politics made strange bedfellows, I guessed. At the “bedfellows” reference Mr. Spacedark smiled mysteriously. The closet door behind him finally burst open. Mr. Texan’s amiable colleague Celtic Texan had broken down the door, and he burst out of the closet. “Don’t say any more!” he ordered Curious. “Interview’s over. We’re leaving,” he said to me, grabbing the still and the rest of the Ivory Domians and heading for the elevator.
Posted by Barry Cochran at 12:41 PM
Monday, October 01, 2007
The great on-line diarist and famous blogger TXSharon is reported missing.
The celebrated writer had traveled to Amarillo, Texas, to participate in critical talks in an effort to help heal the widening rift that is threatening to split the Texas liberal / progressive blogosphere apart. The internecine war of words has, it is rumored, become particularly harsh and polarizing between Burnt Orange, Texas Kaos, and Panhandle Truth Squad as they jockey for power and dominance in the Lefors blogovoid.
TXSharon was lunching al fresco with friends at a downtown restaurant when she disappeared.
“She was just sitting there, sucking on her margarita. I turned away for one second, turned back, and she was gone,” said an acquaintance who did not wish to be identified. “It’s not like her to just suck like that and then -- ‘poof’.”
Last seen wearing a red dress, bloggers are advised to keep a lookout for TXSharon and report any sightings to the nearest web master or monitor. To aid in this search a photograph of TXSharon’s last known location is provided at right.
“We do not spit on our allies, we eat them.”
Posted by calamus venenum at 4:30 PM