Republican Leadership Phrasebook

A PTS Scoop:

We all know how Republican "leaders" deliver such on-message, cookie cutter presentations, complete with their own focus-group-tested language. A high-level white horse souse, whom I will identify only as "Deep Doodoo" has passed on a half-page ripped out of the Republican Leadership Phrasebook, and translations, which he/she was able to smuggle out of Dick Cheney's bunker. While it would have been too dangerous to keep the originals, photocopies have been independently verified and are reprinted here for the first time.


"A" is doing a superb job: "A" agrees with me.

You can't put a number on that: The number would be embarrassing to me, so I won't tell you.

We should respect the public: The public are gullible ignoramuses.

The ownership society: What do you care? You'll never get into my country club.

I say exactly what I mean: Sometime in the middle of the night, you'll get tired and drop your wallet.

We know exactly what is happening: We have no earthly idea which end is up.

I don't discuss classified reports: Somebody else leaked it for me.

We should promote democracy everywhere: Do as I say, not as I do.

Family values: How much you would pay me to keep grandma out of GITMO.

All we want is an up or down vote: We want our way all the time.

It's your money: see "I say exactly what I mean".

All they know how to do is hate: They disagree with me and I hate them for it.

We don't make policy based upon polls: We haven't figured out how to steal a poll.


If Deep Doodoo and I are able to remain out of GITMO, there could be more. It is hoped that the press will find these translations useful.

DEMOPHOENIX