we got yer SOTU right here

Official Panhandle Truth Squad^TM SOTU transcript:

I won’t keep y’all very long, I only have about 911 things to say.

911-score and 911 years ago our founding fathers . . . uh . . .

I would like to announce my new tax cuts which will cut taxes by $911 for 911 of the richest Americans. I also wanted to reform Social Security, but 911 Democrats voted against my plan.

This year, 911 American soldiers will come home from Iraq. And I will commit to finding an alternative to fossil fuels within 911 years.

[GEORGE WILL, golf-announcer voice: That was the 911^th standing ovation of the President’s State of the Union]

This is President George Bush, signing off from 911 Pennsylvania Avenue.

SPACEDARK, with SPACEDARK, JUNIOR