D*ve H*nry makes a most extraordinary discovery. The Amarillo Globe-News’ ace detective, never one to miss a clue, has found that Oklahoma’s “Ethnic American Advisory Council,” which officially is to be composed of “five to 15 representatives of Ethnic Americans of the Middle East/Near East community of the state of Oklahoma” has, no kidding, people of Middle Eastern ethnicity on it! The man’s a sleuthing genius!
What will this crack investigator uncover next, that the Pope is, and his cardinals are -- wait for it -- Catholic?
Evidently Sherlock doesn’t even read what he writes. More like the dim Dr. Watson, he can’t discover on his own that Native Americans, Hispanics and others have their councils in Oklahoma. But those sinister Muslims have got one! They plot to contribute to the community. They conspire to improve community relations. How dare they!
Yes, there is a pattern -- of willful ignorance and stupid bigotry, but that’s what the Amarillo Globe-News pays him for. What a cat's prat.
This has been brought to you by the opinion editor providing us the best in complete idiots, loonies and great gits for a long, long time, "The Nose." “If I can't smell it, does it stink?”
POST SCRIPT 11/05/07
A CAT’S PRAT RECONSIDERED
I have received a number of complaints about having called D*ve H*nry a “cat’s prat” in the above piece. However alliterative the term may be, a number of cats have found it offensive, as they consider it beneath their dignity and do not care to have their buttocks associated in any way, shape or form with Mr. H*nry. As one put it:
“Finer crap has slipped my bowels than words have tripped o’er his vowels.”
Snowflake admitted to napping through Wordsworth and Coleridge, but sent along a photo so that we might judge which puss has the more handsome cheeks and sphincter.
These objections have given me paws to reflect on having placed Mr. H*nry in the series “Another Great Git.” D*ve is not just another great git, but in a great git class by himself. In a series devoted primarily to amateurs -- the letter writers to the Globe-News -- Mr. H*nry is a professional great git, and thus out of place.
These amateur great gits are also brought to us by “The Nose,” editor of the Amarillo Globe-News, and it may be entirely unfair to credit him with presenting us a professional cat’s prat. While The Nose is nominally responsible for the opinion page, with the cat’s prat’s political sentiments and prejudices far, far closer to those of his publisher, he may not be answerable to The Nose, and enjoy a freedom The Nose can only envy.
Not to say The Nose is irrelevant. There are still all those letters to sort through, selecting the reactionary conservative ones that comport with the paper’s agenda and putting the liberal letters that don’t into the circular file. And then there are those little corrections to make the Amarillo Globe-News’ honored editorial writers look even better: “The AP Style Book suggests you use ‘African Americans’ instead of ‘nappy-headed jungle bunnies,’ Mr. Van Camp,” or “instead of ‘Anti-American, troop-hating, Saddam-loving, terrorist-supporting, Bush-bashing, God-loathing, me-obsessing, blog-writing, faggot-banging, child-molesting, gerbil-raping, evolution-teaching, Muslim-sympathizing Marxist-communists,’ AP suggests you use ‘liberals’ Mr. Henry, sir.”
I therefore believe an apology is due The Nose for implying that he is a conduit, that he has any real control over the cat’s prat, as it could very well be the cat’s prat has free runs of the page.
In the meantime, as it is congenitally inevitable D*ve H*nry will continue to dedicate himself to the profoundly obtuse and overwhelmingly insensate, a more suitable venue to recognize and comment on those achievements will be found.
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