“It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of a thing he was never reasoned into”

Jonathan Swift
"The Democrats have moved to the right, and the right has moved into a mental hospital." - Bill Maher
"The city is crowded my friends are away and I'm on my own
It's too hot to handle so I gotta get up and go

It's a cruel ... cruel summer"

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Tuesday Briefs: Felix Feriae

Amarillo Globo-Noticias?: In what has to be one of the more improbable events to occur in Amarillo, a con-man was arrested for selling advertising in a non-existent Spanish language version of the Amarillo Globe-News.

What makes this story so ridiculous is the well known (one had thought) hostility of the existent Globe-News to the Hispanic community and the invasion of immigrants and non-English speakers into the United States. For Less Simpson to even entertain the notion of a Spanish AGN before the universe reaches infinite entropy is simply absurd. One can well imagine him responding to the idea suggested by the scam not with a “no” but with a “hell no!”

No doubt he and his xenophobic gangsters are laughing at the suckers who fell for this one.

Banning Democrats: Anything about the Potter-Randall Democratic Club is banned from the Amarillo Globe-News. But once the public library decided to ban the club from their premises the club finally got a mention in a
skiffing editorial from D*ve Kanelis. Has anyone checked lately to see if Hell has frozen over?

This latest attempt to turn Amarillo into a one-party town comes courtesy of complaints, no doubt bi-partisan, that the club had, after a decade of meetings, violated library policy on electioneering.

D*ve Kanelis, in his typically John H*nryesque way, does not mention that if any one has been “guilty” of electioneering it is Republicans, including Ron Paul, Swinford and Thornverysmallberries.

But why note any of this when it is Democrats you want to make the low-browed heavies and the librarians the enlightened liberals in this most conservative of towns? Thankfully you won’t find a more informative,
independent account of events.

Besides, what real use are these temples of knowledge, these repositories of intellect called libraries anyway? One imagines H*nry has never perused a library’s shelves except for books to ban, nor Simpson darkened one’s door but for bonfire kindling. Kanelis at least has probably been through some of the greater works -- and corrected them to AP Style.

Feliz Navidad: In the Ciudad de Yellow an anonymous admirer
salutes City Hall and the Civic Center for again putting up those twinkling holiday decorations in defiance of those dark and unnamed forces out to ban red and green light bulbs and sleigh Santa.

But it is remarked that a crèche (spelt crche by
Van Camp and not corrected by dd (or maybe that’s AP)), a hallowed nativity scene beloved by right thinking and true faithful residents, suffered a legal challenge and was “regrettably” given the axe some years back. Our learned anonymous editorialist frets that our most Christian community isn't celebrating a most Christmas Christmas in all its full-blown religious glory on public property.

There is something in the First Amendment that addresses this issue, but our nameless scribbler, despite the countless civics classes he has slept through, cannot find “separation of church and state” in the Constitution and is therefore unable to interpret it in anything but a juvenile and crabbed way.

The Cat’s prat cannot grasp the concept that government should keep out of the business of determining or influencing faith or matters of conscience, and that these should be beyond the political will, and thus the tyranny, of the majority. Only because our religious faith is protected from twits like Cat’s prat and his fellow dims do we enjoy the religious freedoms we have.

A hearty Saturnalia to all, and to all a good night!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

the teenage noel

It is well-known that the Gospels skip over most of Jesus Christ's life. There's an episode in a synagogue when he was twelve, and then suddenly he's thirtysomething.

But one night, buried deep in the Apocrypha, I discovered several accounts of Christ's life as a teenager. Among the more interesting tidbits: from these accounts come the first known appearances of the lyrics of a popular Christmas carol, said to have been uttered petulantly by the Christ himself when he was fourteen years of age:

Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel!
BORED is the King of Israel!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Another person from Amarillo, not an asshole, that I may have met but don't recall and would like to meet.

Hal Don House -- Hal seems like a sensible guy to me. Hal's column about the insensible laws that impose harsh penalties on those who suffer the illness of addiction makes good sense to me. This coming from a man who spent years working in the law enforcement and treatment field, so his word carries some weight.
Not surprisingly right wing judge James Farren chimes in with his notion that the war on drugs has been a great success. Guess he's worried his job might disappear if the laws against drug users change.
The "War on Drugs", proposed by Reagan, but carried on by every president since, including Clinton, has been an utter failure. In fact since Bush Jr. brought back mass poverty to the third world sectors of our cities we now have a drug problem more acute than ever. Read about how half a trillion dollars thrown at the problem did little or nothing to stem the tide of drugs into our society.
I will say that House may have some things to say I don't necessarily like, as he did in his letter that suggests the Ku Klux Klan be allowed to speak in Amarillo. I don't really disagree with House's letter, but I think a more proactive approach is best in the case of hate groups. I suppose the Ku Klux Klan does deserve their opinion, as long as I get to go to their public assholefests with the biggest loudest bullhorn I can find.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

People I Like, that are not assholes, that I would like to meet, that I may have met but don't remember -- In Amarillo

I thought about writing about more Amarillo assholes but decided that my level of rage has dwindled. Blind violent neocon jerks can all sit around and stew in their hatred of Muslims, Immigrants, Homosexuals, and basically anything not white upper class prosperity evangelical America for the rest of their sad lives without my help. Instead, since it's Christmas I'm going to write about some people I haven't met -- unless I met them and just have such a post 70's brain I can't remember. Here is a profile of one person I think I might like from Amarillo. Hopefully since I might have some time over the holidays there will be more.

Pat Childs -- I don't have a picture of Pat, but I imagine she's a motherly type. I can see her with arms outstretched gathering her grandchild into her arms, giggling as the baby smiles. I like Pat because she realizes why many Iraqis dislike America so much. She understands that no war that sends a quarter of a country's population scrambling for the border is winnable.
Pat also seems to know that there is something seriously wrong with George W. Bush, maybe it's dyslexia. She's smart enough to understand how the greed driven Neocon Bush has fought tooth and nail to line the pockets of industrialists while laying waste to every ecological system where a dime might be made. She even had the foresight to understand that the arrogant bully Bush was scamming our nation into the invasion of Iraq.

Merry Xmas and a very Happy New Year Pat.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

The War on Christmas Part MMVII

We still have a few days to go until Xmas arrives, but I'm going to go ahead and declare George Maliha the winner of the just-now-created Most Paranoid War on Christmas Letter to the Globe-Republican.

Some of my favorite highlights:

Nothing has been spared from this attack. Some Santas have been instructed to say "Ha, Ha, Ha" rather than the classic phrase, because of the latter's negative connotations.
Why wouldn't Santas say Ho, ho...ooooh, I get it. Gangsta "hos". Har har. Seriously, who comes up with this crap?
Christmas trees have been usurped and are used by atheists as "trees of knowledge."
Trees of knowledge? WTF...
Many people have said that the "War on Christmas" is a ploy meant to distract us from more pressing issues.
Yeah, I would be one of those "many people." Meanwhile, in the Land of Stuff That Actually Matters:

Bargain houses largely unsold
Another foreclosure record was set in November as 1,336 properties were offered to the highest bidder on the courthouse steps in Modesto, Merced and Stockton.

Now here's the real surprise: Only 17 of them sold, despite lenders offering deeply discounted prices.
ECB lends banks $502 billion
Nearly 400 banks take up central bank's offer to supply year-end funding; money market rates ease.
Fed gives $20B to banks in credit crisis
The Federal Reserve is providing $20 billion in loans to banks as part of an unprecedented auction process to ease a global credit crisis and make sure financial institutions can keep lending to their customers.
Morgan Stanley Posts Loss on Writedown
Morgan Stanley, the No. 2 U.S. investment bank, reported a $9.4 billion writedown on Wednesday from bad bets on mortgage-related debt, leading it to take a $5 billion infusion from an arm of the Chinese government.

Biggest Amarillo dickheads

I just got my new edition of Rolling Stone and enjoyed reading Bill Maher's list of the thirteen biggest assholes of 2007. In honor of Mahar's stellar work I'd like to start a list of the biggest Amarillo assholes of 2007. Since I'm lazy, I'm just gonna do one today and you guys can fill in the rest. So here goes.

Mary Chumbley, pictured here with here cooking club mates, once again rang in the year with a slew of misinformed crap. Privately refered to as Mary Dumbly (I got this name from a Globe News Editorial staffer BTW), Chumbley never met a piece of right wing paranoia she didn't like. With her cooking club she stewed up racial hatred, grilled Clinton for the war in Iraq, fried up a mess of support for torture, and carved up a platter full of illegal aliens by blaming that group for soaring medical costs. So I feel certain Ms. Dumbley has earned a place on the role of Amarillo's biggest Assholes.

Great God! I thought it said...

Well, you know what I thought it said.


Tuesday, December 18, 2007

we built this pyramid on rock and roll

(Amarillo, Texas) In the midst of the growing economic crisis facing Panhandle Truth Squad, I holed up last week in my offices in the sky, at the very tip of the pyramid. As I am wont to do, I drank 100-year-old Irish whiskey and gazed down at the fabled intersection of Tenth and Burr. As the Bushmill's neared the lower half of the bottle, I reflected on how much had changed. Amarillo had been revitalized, in our time. I looked down at a city that never schlepped, a teeming metropolitan nightlife that would have once been unimaginable.

But I found myself longing for the old days, when We Built This Pyramid to be the highest thing ever to rise over the Best Lighted Main Street in America. To get where we were today or rather, to get where we were the day before, before the stock crashed and the investors started wailing and gnashing their teeth we had to tell literally thousands of the sorts of rambling stories that run into one another, none of them coming to much of a conclusion. We had to mix up a few metaphors along the way.

We fought some battles, didn't we? We should probably have know better. But, hell, we were allowed to our opinions, weren't we? Even in the Texas progressive blogosphere? And, as I stared down at the drunken masses, I realized that we had yet another story we probably shouldn't tell

. . .

We were at a Christmas party, talking to one of my S.O.’s colleagues. Somehow the subject of a, um, home-schooled relative of the colleague came up. This poor girl was home-schooled all the way through grade twelve, and after that her parents wanted to send her to a Good Christian School.

But the parents were apparently a bit sheltered as well because the Good Christian School they ultimately chose was S.M.U.

Now, I went to S.M.U. for two years. And I was there for a full year before I really even realized that the school had any religious affiliation whatsoever. I was hanging out in the Student Center, listening to OMD on my Walkman, one bright fall day, and I passed a girl talking to a grad school representative on the pay phone. That's what we used in those dinosaur days: pay phones. That's what we listened to: Walkmen. Anyway, the bow-headed pay-phone-talker said something about “Southern Methodist University,” and that’s when it hit me.

Oh, I remember thinking, that’s why we have the God Quad.

But, even in the God Quad, it’s not like there were legions of fundies and Bible-thumpers running around forbidding us to dance. I may be slow, but I think I would have picked up on the nominal religious connection a lot sooner if there had been.

. . .

Not long after the Christmas party, the S.O. and I went around collecting kids from various friends and relatives. We ended up with a five-year-old, a two-and-a-half-year-old, and a fourteen-month-old. (Spacedark Jr., age fourteen, hung around for awhile and then went to the mall.) After watching the fourteen-month-old lurch around Casa Spacedark for awhile, I determined that there were two eras in life that were very similar: the few months after you first learn to walk, and freshman year in college. During both periods, you experience an exhilarating sense of freedom. You run around knocking things over and putting other things into your mouth, just to see what will happen. You fall down a lot in public. You make incomprehensible sounds. And so on.

The young lady who naively went to S.M.U. because it was a Good Christian School after a lifetime in homeschool was experiencing that exhilarating freedom without adequate preparation.

Hell, I went to Caprock, where kids constantly offered me drugs and daily tried to peer-pressure me into stabbing Prodigal Son with a switchblade knife, and I still managed to suddenly decide I was Hunter S. Freaking Thompson the second I arrived in Dallas.


Saturday, December 15, 2007

Panhandle Truth Squad Announces Massive 4th Quarter Losses

Amarillo, TX - Amarillo-centric blog Panhandle Truth Squad, at a press conference held at their headquarters at 10th and Burr, left, announced massive 4th quarter losses today, citing turmoil in the housing and credit markets as prominent factors. "We regret that we have been forced to write down $10 billion in assets," said PTS spokesblogger blogarillo, "however, we can assure our readers they will still have access to the highest quality smart-ass commentary available in the Texas Panhandle."

In an effort to recoup losses PTS has stated between 30,000 and 50,000 employees will be let go. The layoffs were described by PTS as "regrettable." Blog watchdogs have been sharply critical of the layoffs, noting the large executive compensation packages enjoyed by the senior blogger staff. PTS defended its policy, noting that millions a year in salary, along with stock options, platinum health care, private jets, yachts, second homes, ranches, teenage strippers and mountains of top-notch Columbian blow were all in line with current executive compensation standards.

Friday, December 14, 2007

We're not allowed to meet there, either

...but, of course, we showed up with a case of Scotch and a bottle of Luna di Luna the size of the Chase building downtown.


Thursday, December 13, 2007

I'm going to take a shower after this post

This may or may not be worth a complete post. But it's sorta political and sorta funny in a grinacing kind of way. So, without further ado, attached to this post on this blog, our nominee for 2007's worst comment.


There's a reason others don't give that opinion.

Dav* H*nry, left, wants to start some shit with, well, somebody:

What is interesting is the "punks" mantra - individuality, rebelliousness and non-conformity. A freshman sociology major could poke holes in the "punks" creed. "Punks" conform just as much as the poor slob trudging off to work every day in a shirt and tie, carrying a brief case. How can you be an individual when you look just like everyone else in your social group? Let's see: Body piercings, tattoos, spiked hair, an affinity for skateboards and loud music - better conform to these attributes if you want to be a "punk."

Does anyone else see the irony in belittling a subculture then lamenting why we, more or less, can't all just get along? Apparently Dav* doesn't. Adolescent remarks like that were probably the beginning of events that eventually escalated to Brian Deneke's death.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007


GO WATCH. Funny or right wing wet dream?

-Prodigal Son

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Tuesday Briefs: Tush and Bush

·Double-D Standards: D*ve H*nry’s column on government intervention, private property rights and a sexually oriented business should be read in every journalism school throughout Texas. It is an excellent example of why journalists should strive to be clear in their writing, and why being clever and witty is best left to the professionals. In his attempt at sexual similes H*nry actually outwits himself into near meaningless entenuendos, no mean effort for a bona fide halfwit, which is why he should also leave sex to the professionals or get more practice when he’s alone.

The Amarillo Globe-News and H*nry especially have long defended the sacrosanct private property rights of business owners, particularly when it comes to smoking and any whiff of ordinances. Even county government intervention to clean up a public health menace troubles him greatly, though its owner has taken no action for years.

Contrast this with his treatment of a sexually oriented business (SOB for short), which he thinks should be stripped of its license. Our stout defender of commerce, our upright champion of business owners who may do anything they please, seems to have gone limp on this one. Perhaps if Henry saw their smoking vagina section in peril he would come to a different conclusion.

·Blow Job: John Kanelis wrote such a stumbling fumble-bum of a column with
"Single-member issue back again" that it was thought he was writing a cryptic work of satire to deceive his masters, or since it was so stumbling fumble-bummed it was actually penned by D*ve H*nry.1

While Kanelis seems to recover nicely in
"Booze ban doesn't protect anyone", a reasonable bit on Canyon’s archaic system of “dry” alcohol sales, he fails to resist the H*nryesque urge to conjure up an AGN championship theme -- Amarillo’s failed anti-smoking ordinance:

“opponents complained that government should not dictate to business owners whether they should allow smoking in their establishment. [ . . . ] I sense a similar logic between those who opposed the smoking ordinance and those who would lift the phony "ban" on alcohol sales in certain jurisdictions.”

Kanelis’ sense of logic is much like H*nry’s: co-opted to the AGN. The motif of business owners defending themselves against an intrusive government is little more than a smokescreen for the Amarillo Globe-News’ crusade against anti-smoking efforts. They would ban tits in private but will do anything to maintain butt sucking in public. To that end Kanelis, sensible but empty sweater that he is, blows smoke.

1[Cat’s meow, I do believe my “did you write this or D*ve H*nry?” question to John may have offended him. Do let your ex-hubby -- our hero -- know there are no hard feelings. And John, if it is any consolation, maybe you are capable of writing your own tripe.]

·Dipstick: Ralph Henson, notorious hamster-brained conservative, got his panties in a twist because Bob Ray Sanders compared Henson’s Bush to President Pervez Musharraf, who declared martial law in Pakistan. A little side-by-side between a constitution ripping president and his dictator ally just flames the nuance-challenged Henson, who sees it as spanking Bush unnecessarily and of the worst sort:

“I thought, even if we disagreed with him, that our president deserved some respect; not vilification and constant mudslinging and name-calling.”
Oh where was this deserved respect for that pimp-murderer-rapist we had ten years ago?

Henson believes Sanders “should never present an unknown or a lie as the truth” and that he "should recant and resign.” I guess Henson, having repeated lies as the truth himself, will recant and resign. Oh wait, never mind. The Amarillo Globe-News will spread their pages wide and let right-wingers bugger the truth as always.

Saturday, December 08, 2007



Fair-minded, just and true, who no matter how violent the red-faced howler monkeys shriek and shake branches and throw scat, will never see nor hear nor speak evil of their thick-skulled and small-brained fellows.

“Celebrate Your Monkey Ancestors Day!”

Friday, December 07, 2007

Formerly Known As...

(for some reason Yahoo's advanced spam filters refused to send our message, titled "HOT SEXXXY NIGERIAN KINGS - REPLY WITH PAYPAL ACCOUNT INFORMATION" to much of the PTS mailing list. You may have received our e-mail forwarded from Demophoenix. Please RSVP for the map and address.)

Calling all progressives! The Organization Formerly Known As Drinking Liberally Amarillo will have a Celebrate Your Monkey Ancestors Day party on Saturday the 8th of December at:

Casa Spacedark

7:00 pm
Saturday the 8th of December

Write panhandletruthsquad at yahoo dot com for the address.

Bring your own bottle and come prepared to relax and talk politics with friends of a similar mindset in a Low Stress Environment.


Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Not "Monkey" Ancestors!

Even though we plan to observe “Celebrate Your Monkey Ancestors Day” with others of like mind, since we in no way shape or form subscribe to the proposition or belief that the Earth was created in 4004 BC at 9:00 AM on Easter Sunday Central Standard Time1 and that modern man is descended from Adam and Eve, my wife and I as strict evolutionists cannot in good conscience allow the term “Monkey Ancestors” to be invoked without comment.

This is not to put a damper on what may well be an evening of “monkeyshines,” or to force whimsical nomenclaturists to go “ape,” but to correct an egregious error, whatever the court’s decision in the infamous Scopes Monkey Trial -- WE ARE NOT DESCENDED FROM MONKEYS!

Nor are we descended from apes. Humans and apes evolved from a common ape-like ancestor, which in turn descended from an ancestor in common with the monkey’s antecedents.

If we are to honestly celebrate our pre-human ancestors we must honor Australopithecus afarensis, Sahelanthropus tchadensis, Pierolapithecus catalaunicus
and Proconsul africanus, the last now extinct for 25 million years.

And as we do so let us also recognize that however long they have turned to dust, no matter how much natural selection has reshaped us, we as their living progeny still carry within us their genetic history. Their DNA remains inside our genes, silent, dormant, yet ready by some fluke of the genetic code to reawaken and find expression.

Here someone has an extra tail bone, legacy of a misty past when we clambered about the trees. There someone has the heavy brow ridge and sloping forehead of the prehistoric traditionalist who fought the use of fire and tools and language. Large canine teeth or excessive body hair are also atavisms, or throwbacks, to a time long before Stouffers and Burlington Coat Factory.

We need only see the reconstructed features of the primitive primate fossil below to recognize how far we have come. As we look upon brittle stone rendered into flesh, let us wonder upon this slender twig of the family tree. Too small-brained to compete on its own, its kind surely reached a dead end eons ago.

So let us “Celebrate Your Monkey Ancestors Day,” taking comfort in the knowledge that this cretinous little creature, and any throwbacks to it, is not one of our own.

1This was 6,000 years before the invention of Daylight Savings Time.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

They're Baaaaaack

Texas Creationists and their allies in the American Auto De Fe movement have been working hard to build a bridge to the 15th Century. The creationist Guv appointed a creationist to head the state board of education and now have pressured Chris Comer to resign.

Who? The TEA's director of science curriculum.

Why? She had the unmitigated gall to send an email pointing out a talk by Barbara Forest. An Anti-creationist.

So what! Why fired? Because doing so "implies that TEA endorses the speaker’s position on a subject on which the agency must remain neutral.”

Anywho, I posted on this below, but now Texas Citizens for Science has posted an evisceration of the TEA The money quote:

"The real reason she was forced to resign is because the top TEA administrators and some SBOE members wanted her out of the picture before the state science standards–the science TEKS–were reviewed, revised, and rewritten next year. Plans are underway by some SBOE members and TEA administrators to diminish the requirement to teach about evolutionary biology in the Biology TEKS and to require instead that biology instructors “Teach the Controversy” about the “weaknesses” of evolution, that is, teach the Creationist-inspired and -created bogus controversy about evolution that doesn’t exist within legitimate science. There are no scientific weaknesses with biological evolution as the natural process is understood by scientists. At the level at which it is taught in high school, evolutionary biology has no weaknesses, gaps, or problems. Therefore, it is duplicitous to pretend such “weaknesses” and “controversy” exist."

Toquemada much?

-Prodigal Son

Friday, November 30, 2007

he said, she said, they said

Appropriately in a county named Moore, Dumas is considering putting up a Ten Commandments idol on the courthouse lawn. Supporters include the helpfully-named1 Nort Mowry and Elliot Crabtree.

We’ve mentioned journalistic style books here and there. And in the Judge Roy Moore County News Press article about this foolishness, we see why such standards are necessary. Here’s how the article, penned by Kayte Cook, presented a presentation:

Crabtree pointed out that separation of church and state has gotten out of hand.
Now, normally in newspaper writing, the only word used with a quote is “said.” Not “orated,” not “held forth,” not “pontificated”. That’s because all of those words have connotations, while “said” is relatively neutral. Sure, it’s boring and redundant in an article with a lot of quotes, but at least it doesn’t carry a loaded meaning.

Consider how differently readers of the article might react to this sentence:
Separation of church and state has gotten out of hand, Crabtree drooled.
In this case “pointed out” makes Crabtree’s rant sound like it had some validity.

The article also refers to this Golden Calf these Dumasians want to worship on their courthouse lawn as a “statue” rather than the far more accurate “idol”.

And that, Mr. Kanelis, is what slant looks like.


1Helpful, at least, to a writer who will write a satire ridiculing the whole thing in future, more enlightened, times.

Formerly Known As...

Calling all progressives! The Organization Formerly Known As Drinking Liberally Amarillo will have a Celebrate Your Monkey Ancestors Day party on Saturday the 8th of December at:

Casa Spacedark

Write panhandletruthsquad at yahoo dot com for the address.

7:00 pm
Saturday the 8th of December

Bring your own bottle and come prepared to relax and talk politics with friends of a similar mindset in a Low Stress Environment.


How To Diss Your CARMA

I want to follow up on the heads-up and comments on the Amarillo Globe-News (AGN) editorial "Survey's Worth is Suspect" from 11/23/07 that Calamus offered on 11/27/07.

The editorial was a slippery exercise in how to discredit, diminish, and deride the work of an environmental organization (Carbon Monitoring for Action, CARMA.org) by back-handed implication. It used a cherry-picked story of uncertain source, selective use of facts, and guilt by association to imply that the CARMA website is suspiciously biased, that the US isn't such a bad global warming polluter, and that CARMA associates with ENVIRONMENTAL ACTIVISTS (hide the women and children)!

Implication 1. The CARMA website's "worth is suspect" and its "slant is apparent and is a detriment" because it holds a political agenda focused against power companies, the Republican party, and Bush.

I cannot find the purported link to the "news story" that AGN uses to imply CARMA's political bias, not on the CARMA website nor on the Center For Global Development (CGD) website. That CARMA has an agenda or bias is most certainly true - "Action" is part of its name. They clearly state:

"The objective of CARMA.org is to equip individuals with the information they need to forge a cleaner, low-carbon future. By providing complete information for both clean and dirty power producers, CARMA hopes to influence the opinions and decisions of consumers, investors, shareholders, managers, workers, activists, and policymakers. CARMA builds on experience with public information disclosure techniques that have proven successful in reducing traditional pollutants."

Sounds pretty good to me.

But AGN attempts to discredit CARMA and CGD with unattributed quotes from an unlinked story. I smell AGN's agenda here, too. Maybe the odoriferous scent, heavy with hedonic tone, of climate change denial?

Implication 2. The US isn't so bad, because Australia puts out even more CO2 per capita than we do.

The US and Australia are the two major nonsignatories of the Kyoto Protocol, which attempted to set international controls on runaway global warming pollution of the atmosphere. 172 countries have ratified the treaty. Australia's new Labor government, largely elected on an environmental platform, announced its intention to ratify. That leaves the US alone on the refusal list.

When you look at total per capita CO2-equivalent emissions, the United States (pop. 300 million) comes in at 20.4 metric tons per year and Australia (pop. 21 million) at 16.3. European Union countries, who share a comparable standard of living and population with the US, emit less than half the global warming gases, compared with the US.

The US is the biggest global warming gas polluter. We're most responsible for the observed global warming of the past century, and the coming temperature rise already in the climate system pipeline. The Bush administration, after denying human-caused global warming for years, now denies US responsibility to doing anything about it. Omitting the hugely significant role of the US from the editorial is also a form of denial.

Implication 3. CARMA probably doesn't have an open mind (and you might not either) because it has as a partner the Sierra Club, an "environmental activist organization", and we all know that working actively for the environment (wink-nudge) is suspect, or at least kooky.

The CARMA database is well-researched and factual. It's easy to use and gives people a tool to understand an important contribution to global warming, power generation, - who does it and where. That's empowering and if it leads to activism for the sake of the environment, then hurray. We need more activism on behalf of the earth, and fast. And that is eminently useful and worthy.

Dumbing Our Kids Down Part: 3478

Flat Earthers Unite!

Texas science education chief forced out, just a few months before a major curriculum review per The Statesman.

"Proponents of the intelligent design theory of the universe have apparently forced out the science curriculum director of the Texas Education Agency. What precipitated the resignation was that Chris Comer forwarded an email from her office computer promoting a public talk by Barbara Forrest, a prominent academic critic of ID. "

By whom? The wingnuts supporting Intelligent Design (Again!).

Get ready for the boolsheet Panda book being in your kids locker, followed by your tax dollars being spent to defend and lose a dumbass position that has already lost in court in Kitzmiller vs. Dover last year!

-Prodigal Son

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Tuesday Briefs: Emissions and Omissions

·Carbon based liberals. Leave it to the Amarillo Globe-News to praise the new Carbon Monitoring for Action data base with one hand and damn it with the other, finding its “slant is apparent,” but then the AGN’s editorial writers know a thing or two about slant. They find it highly suspicious that corporate influence over public policy is being exposed, and that CARMA’s effort is being supported by those dread environmentalists. If only the power companies were running the data base then everything would be just fine.

After a little tiff over a link connecting George W. Bush to a major polluter comes this funny line: “Who are the top idiots who continue to say global warming is still just ‘speculation’?” Well, how about the 98 out of 100 people who write to and editorialize in the Amarillo Globe-News you dunce?

If the AGN thinks CARMA and its “Survey's worth is suspect” let’s remember these critics are the same people that are anti-science, that believe the Earth is 6,000 years old, that dinosaurs walked alongside man, and since the Bible is inerrant, they must think the Earth is flat, the moon is its own light source, and pi is 3. Intelligent Design indeed.

·Eddie McMurray strikes again. Eddie “Mick the Stick”1 McMurray, one of the Amarillo Globe-News’ more incensed wing-nut contributors, blames the low ratings of Congress on their
"appetite for spending on social programs." Mick the Stick, apparently frustrated that his solution to welfare hasn’t been implemented by having the poor put in concentration camps and his barbed-wire investments haven’t paid off, apparently didn’t notice that Congress’ ratings fell when they failed to push back on Bush’s war policy and his undermining of the Constitution.

Poor Eddie, charming rabid ideologue that he is, does get a lot of things wrong. Convinced Clinton was impeached and found guilty and that Valerie Plame wasn’t a covert CIA agent (well, what conservative moon-bat doesn’t?), he is one certified blithering nut case always ready to tear into liberals, and so for the Amarillo Globe-News, a keeper. KABLAAM!

·Kanelis says no to
term limits. Even an argument by a Republican that enthralls Kanelis can’t persuade him to be against term limits. Longtime seniority builds power and empires within Congress, forcing other legislators to bend to their will.

“It's the power, stupid, that makes the system stink to high heaven,” says Kanelis. But his famous nose doesn’t wrinkle. Difficult campaigns against entrenched incumbents be damned. Voters can get rid of an incumbent if they are doing a poor job. Kanelis picks Democrat Bill Sarpalius in 1994 as his example, booted out by the energetic Mac Thornberry.

“What's the lesson here? It all goes to show that term limits already exist.”
What Kanelis fails to mention2 is that Thornberry rode in on the Republican tide of the “Contract on America” reform package, one of its items being term limits. Republicans used it to beat Democrats’ brains out during the campaign as the only way to curb the abuse of power.

Thornberry championed term limits, but once in office that whole limit thingy just went away, and Kanelis has been making excuses for him ever since: Well, Thornberry supported it, but he didn’t promise anything! Now JQK doesn’t even mention it.

And seven terms later Thornberry is still doing an excellent job because the Amarillo Globe-News, totally unbiased, says so. Well, there was that shield law thingy that showed a little daylight between Kanelis’ nose and Thornberry’s bottom, but until Mac the rancher does something a little untoward, like being caught in a hotel room with an underage sheep again, he pretty much has no limit to his terms.

Auf Wiedersehen!

1A nickname amongst his “friends” as Eddie, a bit of a hothead, tends to blow his top like a “stick” of dynamite. Also a veiled reference to a euphemism for a part of the male anatomy, as some think that’s what Eddie is.

2Kanelis evidently has been taking H*nry lessons and omits anything that might un-slant his argument. Well done JQK!

Post Script

Kudos to
Bruce Fielder for touching upon the inconsistency between term limits imposed on the presidency (by Republicans against a Democrat by the way) and none on congressmen and senators, and Andrea Cheryl Holman for pointing out the media’s fawning over incumbents.

With the overwhelming advantage enjoyed by incumbents, JQK’s characterization of elections as job performance reviews essentially reduces them to rubberstamp plebiscites.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

"When I look outside and these worlds collide . . . And everything's explodin'"

In a move reported by the Midland Reporter-Telegram and commented on by the excellent blog Grits for Breakfast-- and dutifully ignored by the Amarillo Globe-Republican-- local boy made good Kel Seliger is calling for probation reforms that include reducing maximum probation term to five years.

Most sensible people listen to the probation officers, who say they can easily tell within that time if someone will re-offend. Those of us who have worked caseloads of any kind understand that this reform-- which could reduce caseloads-- would enable probation officers to better monitor their probationers and provide services that would better help them to readjust to society and, hopefully, stay on the outside.

Of course, there are law-and-order Republicans (including the Midland DA) who will see this suggestion as being soft on crime. Which is probably why you haven't seen an article or editorial in the Globe-Republican. Imagine, for example, if our Mr. Kanelis were forced to construct an editorial that kissed up to Kel, as required by the Globe-Republican stylebook, yet simultaneously repeated the Republican party line.

Even to attempt something like that could have catastrophic consequences...


Saturday, November 24, 2007

(AP) Murder no Longer Fatal to Citizens Residents

On Tuesday, November 20, the Associated Press ran the tragic story of a Senegalese doctoral student shot to death in Chicago. Strangely it was titled “Student Slain to Death near U of Chicago.”

This author has had some run-ins with AP style, which we shall get to in a moment, but the AP may really be pushing the boundaries of whether being slain leads to anything other than death. I do not ever recall having seen someone “slain to critical condition,” or “brutally slain but recovering nicely.”

This could be another of those sloppy headlines that are occurring with more frequency with the decline of journalistic standards, or it could be an effort by the AP to redefine our language. Slain just doesn’t mean what it used to. You may be slain but you’re not quite dead yet unless you’re pronounced really, really, completely, indubitably, officially dead. Editors have since caught the gaff and changed the headline to “Killed to Death.”

And now to the trivial. Back in July The Nose invited yours truly to write a
letter to the paper wondering whether he would hold the City Commissioners to the same ethical “smell test” as he had Joe Kirkwood. There was a tussle over whether such a politically sensitive missive to such an unbiased media outlet might be altered, and indeed it was not only abridged, but certain changes were made, most notably in the following paragraph:

“During the recent election campaign some residents expressed concern that officials voting on downtown revitalization could involve a conflict of interest for those having direct or indirect ownership of property or control of downtown investments. This issue was put to Kanelis both publicly on the Internet and by private communication.”
“Residents” in the original had been “citizens,” and this change was made because, according to the Associated Press Style Book, citizens are members of nations, while residents are members of states and cities.1 Curiously only two months earlier The Nose had written a column about the Bushland Independent School District’s bond issue and Superintendent John Lemons’ efforts, using this phrase:

“Lemons and other citizens committed to supporting the bond issue have the correct answer to that criticism.”

Are we to believe that Bushland holds the lofty rank of nation? Or could it be that the AP Style Book, meant for professionals working for the newspaper, is not followed by “professionals” but instead is applied to writers who are not beholden to the AP Style Book? The Nose has not snuffled on this one.

Citizens are political beings, and there are more substantial reasons for turning them into occupants than journalistic “style.” The editors of the Amarillo Globe-News have long heaped scorn on the citizens of Amarillo for their political apathy, but then ridiculed and misrepresented any political interests they have shown, and mocked the engagement (neighborhood meetings and hearings) between government and citizenry that is part of the democratic process. Even the rebukes against voter apathy seem written to reinforce that voter apathy, not encourage more political participation.

There are times when the AGN seems outright hostile to democracy, or rather supportive of a “democracy” that is best kept confined to those who know what’s best for everyone else. The electorate can be a nuisance, particularly when they don’t see things the paper’s way, so it’s best the electorate only knows what you want them to know. Why have voters anyway? We only need a leadership that John can lavish praise on.

Changing one word is but a small sign of a larger attitude, of allegiance to the city’s corporate and political elite and betrayal of the wider community. By changing “citizens” to “residents” Kanelis stripped an entire people of their citizenship and nullified their political participation. With one word Kanelis reduced concerned citizens to little more than tenants living in their overlords’ domain. What style!

JQK you slay me.

1Merriam-Webster and Random House both allow citizens to be inhabitants of states and towns, but the AP apparently just has to be contrarian.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Tuesday Briefs

●As wildfires raged through Southern California last October causing thousands to flee, Glenn Beck, right-wing talking-head, was delighted that people who hated America were being burned out of their homes.

Besides this being another case of a right-wing-nut taking pleasure in tragedy being visited upon Americans (one hesitates to say “their fellow Americans”), it never occurred to Beck, prat that he is, that most of the neighborhoods going up in smoke were full of conservatives. What an ano grandes.

In the meantime here in Amarillo our own cat's prat ranted against "
rubber-room escapee/third-tier cable TV talking head Keith Olbermann" for blaming the inferno on global warming, pouting that no one blamed the phenomenon for the disastrous grass fires that swept the Panhandle last year.

There is a simple explanation for that: Californians believe in global warming; Texans don’t. You can’t blame it on something you don’t believe in, twit.

●Things are much better in the Amarillo Globe-News now that every other Friday has become the “Autobiography of Virgil Van Camp.” However pointless, these little vignettes about his life beats the usual ignorant, bigoted drivel, his life being, we assume, something he may actually know something about. Now we are condemned to an endless stream of inane, meaningless, nostalgic
cotton-picking stories. Still we have to wonder, for a war-mongering, genocidal sociopath, how it is he kept himself out of WWII so long and had to be drafted? Boll weevils in a pilonidal cyst?

●Amarillo votes for torture. If you can’t blame something you don’t believe in, you can still be for something we don’t do. Provoked by a letter condemning the use of torture the usual wing-nuts have come out in support of it by a margin of 2 to 1. Let us remember, these are the same folks who declare this is a Christian nation, that it was founded on Biblical principles, and will beat the crap out of you with it if you don’t believe them. Abu Ghraib was a frat prank; waterboarding a splash of water in the face. So let’s go torture us some rag-headed darkie savages. After all, as Mary Chumbley so aptly put it: “We're civilized; they're not.”

●A pleasant evening for The Organization Formerly Known as Drinking Liberally Amarillo I am told. Held in the quiet environs of Mr. Westmoreland’s “The Vineyard,” liberals could finally hear the political discourse they've been trying to have for some time now. And a happy -- if all too short -- visit from “cat’s meow.” No kitty spats, as spacedark slipped 100 mg of valium into calamus venenum’s merlot anticipating such an encounter. Calamus did make a little “rowr” sound, but it was hard to tell if it was because of the cat’s meow’s pajamas or the pin-cushioned D*ve H*nry voodoo doll he slumped over on.


Friday, November 16, 2007

Our winter of dissed content

Here's a good reason why, in the internet age, you don't screw your content creators out of money. They're better at building an message, and in the internet age, have a means of broadcasting that message to the masses. enjoy.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

The Organization Formerly Known As Drinking Liberally Amarillo

Calling all progressives! The Organization Formerly Known As Drinking Liberally Amarillo will be meeting on Friday the 16th of November at:

Vineyard Wines
1619 S Kentucky St
Wellington Square
7:00 pm
Friday the 16th of November

Look for our mascot, Howard the Star-Spangled Donkey.

Come prepared to relax and talk politics with friends of a similar mindset in a
Low Stress Environment. The first pitcher is on us!

And we apologize for the late notice.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007


I ran into this page on how to leave messages for those left behind after the Rapture.

An alternative method for today's Christians to communicate to those left behind on earth after the rapture is to simply post, in a highly visible location in the home, a message such as:

“I am writing this to you in the past. In your present time, the church (believers in Jesus Christ) has been raptured, and has been taken out of this world to be present with the Lord. You have been left behind. To gain eternal life and salvation, and to be with Jesus Christ, you must accept Jesus Christ as your saviour from sin and refuse to take the mark of the beast on your hand or forehead and refuse to worship the beast and his image or statue, even if it means you have to die.

So, if I read this right, they're going to be leaving notes for us in their own homes. I suppose this means that they've figured out that we'll be ransacking their houses and stealing all their crap after they're gone.


Friday, November 09, 2007

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Fun Facts with PTS

Hey kids,

blogarillo learned a new term recently. It's called "Level 3 Assets." Can you say "Level 3 Assets", boys and girls? ¡Excellente! I knew you could. Familiarize yourself with "Level 3 Assets", you'll probably be hearing more about it in the days and weeks to come.

Google Search for Level 3 Assets

Monday, November 05, 2007

naming names

We already know that D*ve H*nry has a problem with people in Oklahoma having a Middle Eastern name. Now it turns out that the Ghostly VoiceTM thinks that all Hispanics are illegal aliens. Really:

The new laws include a requirement that law enforcement agencies hold for federal authorities illegal immigrants who also have a felony or DUI. Opponents are stating the laws will lead to a mass exodus of illegal immigrants. Nothing much has changed in the Panhandle city of Guymon, which has seen a more than 2 percent increase in Hispanic public school enrollment as of Oct. 1.
A-rabs, and now Hispanics! Why can't those gol-dern Okies just have normal person names like "Dave," "John," or "Virgil"?


Excuse me . . .

. . . you sub-literate, bleeding gums, squirrel eater. When you come to these NASCAR events, who is tending to your meth lab?

-Prodigal Son

Sunday, November 04, 2007

live from amarillo, it's sunday morning

Kanelips gets another opportunity to rave about how much he hates democracy.

It's a good thing that I'm no longer writing serious political posts, or I'd be tempted to devote thirty seconds or so of my life to refuting the grumpy old man's latest rant.

But, thank the gods, this tripe is mind-numbingly easy to refute. So, I'll just post a couple of quotes and you can put on an orange apron and do it yourself.

One county commissioner, Manny Perez [see picture above], kept arguing on behalf of his Precinct 2 constituents [see picture above] ...

The city, under McCartt's leadership, has made a point of making important symbolic gestures...
OMFG! Commissioners might argue on behalf of their constituents! Exactly why, though, is anyone's guess! I mean, the city's making symbolic gestures!


Thursday, November 01, 2007

Another Great Git 11.01.07

D*ve H*nry makes a most extraordinary discovery. The Amarillo Globe-News’ ace detective, never one to miss a clue, has found that Oklahoma’s “Ethnic American Advisory Council,” which officially is to be composed of “five to 15 representatives of Ethnic Americans of the Middle East/Near East community of the state of Oklahoma” has, no kidding, people of Middle Eastern ethnicity on it! The man’s a sleuthing genius!

What will this crack investigator uncover next, that the Pope is, and his cardinals are -- wait for it -- Catholic?

Evidently Sherlock doesn’t even read what he writes. More like the dim Dr. Watson, he can’t discover on his own that Native Americans, Hispanics and others have their councils in Oklahoma. But those sinister Muslims have got one! They plot to contribute to the community. They conspire to improve community relations. How dare they!

Yes, there is a pattern -- of willful ignorance and stupid bigotry, but that’s what the Amarillo Globe-News pays him for. What a cat's prat.

This has been brought to you by the opinion editor providing us the best in complete idiots, loonies and great gits for a long, long time, "The Nose." “If I can't smell it, does it stink?”

POST SCRIPT 11/05/07


I have received a number of complaints about having called D*ve H*nry a “cat’s prat” in the above piece. However alliterative the term may be, a number of cats have found it offensive, as they consider it beneath their dignity and do not care to have their buttocks associated in any way, shape or form with Mr. H*nry. As one put it:

“Finer crap has slipped my bowels than words have tripped o’er his vowels.”

Snowflake admitted to napping through Wordsworth and Coleridge, but sent along a photo so that we might judge which puss has the more handsome cheeks and sphincter.

These objections have given me paws to reflect on having placed Mr. H*nry in the series “Another Great Git.” D*ve is not just another great git, but in a great git class by himself. In a series devoted primarily to amateurs -- the letter writers to the Globe-News -- Mr. H*nry is a professional great git, and thus out of place.

These amateur great gits are also brought to us by “The Nose,” editor of the Amarillo Globe-News, and it may be entirely unfair to credit him with presenting us a professional cat’s prat. While The Nose is nominally responsible for the opinion page, with the cat’s prat’s political sentiments and prejudices far, far closer to those of his publisher, he may not be answerable to The Nose, and enjoy a freedom The Nose can only envy.

Not to say The Nose is irrelevant. There are still all those letters to sort through, selecting the reactionary conservative ones that comport with the paper’s agenda and putting the liberal letters that don’t into the circular file. And then there are those little corrections to make the Amarillo Globe-News’ honored editorial writers look even better: “The AP Style Book suggests you use ‘African Americans’ instead of ‘nappy-headed jungle bunnies,’ Mr. Van Camp,” or “instead of ‘Anti-American, troop-hating, Saddam-loving, terrorist-supporting, Bush-bashing, God-loathing, me-obsessing, blog-writing, faggot-banging, child-molesting, gerbil-raping, evolution-teaching, Muslim-sympathizing Marxist-communists,’ AP suggests you use ‘liberals’ Mr. Henry, sir.”

I therefore believe an apology is due The Nose for implying that he is a conduit, that he has any real control over the cat’s prat, as it could very well be the cat’s prat has free runs of the page.

In the meantime, as it is congenitally inevitable D*ve H*nry will continue to dedicate himself to the profoundly obtuse and overwhelmingly insensate, a more suitable venue to recognize and comment on those achievements will be found.

As Iraqis Stand Up, We Will Stand Down

hoo boy. . .

Iraqi Army Training

And the Afghanistan border police are a'rockin' too. . .

-Prodigal Son

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

liquidrone for president

(New Orleans, 28 October) Liquidrone is late for their set at Voodoo Fest. This isn't entirely surprising since lead singer Clint Maedgen has been all over City Park, also performing with the famous Preservation Hall jazz band, under his own name, and several times with the New Orleans Bingo! Show.

And now the band comes in like a Mafia wedding, from the less successful and altogether cheesier end of organized crime. Maedgen wears a suit & tie; another band member wears a frilly tuxedo shirt. They carry their instruments under their arms.

They toss their instruments on the stage and start playing; the onslaught is sudden and devastating. Behind the microphone, Maedgen looks like Sid Vicious with a Wayne Newton mustache. Some of their instruments are of their own invention, and some of the noises that come out of them are indescribably intense. The band plays a short set - maybe half an hour - and the effect is cathartic.

We leave the tent in a daze. There are still moments in life when, for a Short & Fast moment, you realize that Rock isn't dead, not yet. There are also times when you have to Get Things Done quickly, even suddenly. You know what I'm saying?



Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Red State Update

The Christianisty Candidate Edition

-Prodigal Son

Sunday, October 28, 2007

wish you were here 2

we must not avert our eyes

(New Orleans) Back on October 11 the Truth Squad became aware of certain "unspeakable acts of torture" that are taking place in the Yellow City this Halloween season.

Now, the Truth Squad has learned that this activity is not limited to Amarillo, but is, in fact, taking place throughout the South. This picture was taken Sunday at the Voodoo Music Festival in NOLA. As before, the photo clearly shows a tall green red man, bound at the feet, thrashing about in incredible pain.

The Truth Squad calls for this renewed burst of racist action against green red people of height to end immediately.


Thursday, October 25, 2007

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

This Just In! July 4th, 2009

Lets travel forward in time, and look at what the bobbleheads on TV are saying.

There is a new President Clinton, we are in recession, War in Iraq is coming to a close, same idiots in the media.

The country is still being manipulated by hate/fear/greed on the right and the ineffective Democratic leadership is getting pinballed, and still just reacting instead of controlling the narrative.

This is what I think we will be hearing . . .

This morning on FOX "News", America loses a war for the first time in our nation's history!! President Hillary Clinton pulled the last American troops out of Iraq, in what some are calling Saigon part II. Bill Kristol is here to bring us up to speed . . . CLICK

Good morning I'm Matt Lauer, I'm Meredith Viera, welcome to the TODAY show. Top story, how did the Democrats lose Iraq? Where does America go from here, and how much does it help the Republicans? Tim Russert has more. . . CLICK

Now on CNN, Top news: Somalia part II? In 1993, Bill Clinton came into office with troops on the way to Somalia and started his presidency with military failure. Now another President Clinton, and another failu. . . CLICK

Welcome to Hardball, I'm Chris Mathews. America has it's first woman President, and America's first lost war. Are women too weak on defense, and are we now more in danger with a woman in the white hou . . . CLICK

This Week with George Stephanopoulos. Today the panel will be looking at two important issues being discussed here inside the beltway. Why did the democrats lose in Iraq, and is a woman just too weak to be credible on defense. George Will, what do you . . . Fu**ing CLICK!!!


Brother and sisters . . . if the Democrats do not force Bush and the Republicans to own Iraq. If we do not defund this evil BEFORE there is a new democrat in the white house, it will be OUR failure.

We need to hang these disgusting failures squarely on the repubs. Tar them for history.

Iraq? a Bush-type conflict: an unending occupation without post-war planning:

Economy: A Bush-style malaise: destructive deficits, with no competent oversight, followed by a middle class meltdown.

-Prodigal Son

Friday, October 19, 2007

the truth is cloudy

I found the Technorati listing for a local blog kind of interesting. If you look at the tag cloud and see what a blog we affectionately call the "Panhandle Goon Squad" writes about, you'll see in microcosm what it's like to live here:


Thursday, October 18, 2007

Voices of Amarillo: Bubba

(Bill Clements Unit, Amarillo, Texas) So I run into a little trouble back in the mid-90s. I done what they call a "criminal lifestyle".

An' you know what? My own neighbors done turned me in. And then this cop guy with Bozo-the-Clown hair parachuted out of the sky and called me a "maggot" before slapping th' cuffs on me.

I knew I done wrong. But his constant usage of homoerotic imagery during my interrogation was quite disturbing.

I mean, he kep' talkin 'bout what perversions I was gonna do to all the other inmates. I didnt wanna do no perversions. But he just keep talkin 'bout them. An' thass when he give me my new name, Bubba.

Afore that, I wuz jest called by muh birth name, Thaddeus Octavius Cato III.

I allus wondered what happen to that cop. Weel, today I sawr him agin:

He ain't got the Bozo hair no more nor the parachute, but it shore is him.

You know, a lot of inmates find Jesus in here. I hain't. But I sure am lookin forward to seein Mr Officer Shumate agin.


Tuesday, October 16, 2007

live from amarillo, it's sunday morning!

Here with a commentary is a grumpy old man. Welcome, Grumpy Old Man

Grumpy Old Man: I'm old, and I'm not happy. Everything today is improved, and I don't like it. I hate it! In my day we didn't have cell phones. If you wanted to howl at another Australopithecus, you stood out on the savannah and howled! You couldn’t "text," but all three of the verbs that had been invented were still verbs and that's the way it was and you liked it! You loved it. Whoopee, I can say “eat” and “fire burn” and “run from Moeritherium” and not a noun in sight! Except for “fire” and “Moeritherium,” that is. Those are nouns, aren’t they, Debs?

There was nothing you could do about it. If you had something an adult didn’t want you to have, they hit you over the head with their big stick and took it and that's the way it was and we liked it! We loved it. Hallelujah, look at me, I'm a teenage Australopithecus afarensis getting hit over the head with a big stick, oh happy day! Not like today, everybody talking to each other. I hate it!

In my day we didn't have this communication. So you could enjoy life. In my day there were only about ten words. You said ugh and pointed and that was enough! And half the time you didn't even know what you were pointing at. We used the same words over and over again! 'Cause we were ignorant morons! Just a bunch of teenage Australopithecae standing around pointing and howling and that's the way we liked it!


Saturday, October 13, 2007

Voices of Amarillo Canyon: Pariah Jenkins

Several years ago I moved mysef and my nephew to Canyon and I haven't look back since. Canyon is superior to Amarillo in every way as you can tell by driving down our streets. That's what I say!

Our uniform brick houses all look exactly the same in a way that Amarillo homes could not hope to look exactly the same. Haha! That's what I say, and I'm proud to say it!

So I was proud to attend the Square on the Fair today, as all Canyon residents are required to.

I was somewhat concerned that the new president of WT (I proudly refuse to call it WT A&M! That's what I say!) might try to sell beer at the Square on the Fair! He's from New Orleans, you know, and after Hurricane Katrina all sorts of criminal elements spread out throughout the United States of A. I call it a lowlife diaspora, and we got our share, we certainly did!! I've heard that President New Orleans allows people to drink wine at official WT events. Canyon is dry because God made it that way, that's what I say!

I should say, was dry. Because now the drunkards can have tow beers at that Field House. That should be more than enough for anyone, that's what I say.

It's a good thing that President New Orleans didn't try to sell beer at Square on the Fair today, but he did allow in something even worse.

Much worse.

Much, much worse.

Much, much, much worse.

Much, much, much, much worse.

Much, much, much, much, much worse.

DemoncRATS, that's what he let in! That's right, DemoncRATS. They were trying to tell how George Bush is all bad and stuff. I told them George Bush loves Jesus. Haha. They din't know what to say to that!

The dumb diddlies.

Pariah Jenkins

Thursday, October 11, 2007

signs of the times: georgia street car washes should publicly apologize for poor taste

The mannequin needs to come down now! Have you seen this poor figure, apparently thrashing around in horrible pain?

I have. And I snapped this picture of the fellow as I drove down Georgia street. I was shocked enough to simultaneously call the police department - on its 9-1-1 emergency line - to report what I believed was a victim of unspeakable acts of torture.

The picture shows what appears to be a very tall man, lurching around in agony, his feet apparently bound together, and to the ground.

What's particularly offensive about this mannequin is the manner in which it "thrashes" as it is powered by air cylinders. To the casual observer, it apparently looks real enough for them to call 9-1-1. Further down the street I also observed a giant duck, similarly bound, but this time so securely that the poor beast was unable to move at all. I called PETA to report the duck's agony.

The Amarillo Police Department is duty bound to respond to emergency 9-1-1 calls. But surely PETA has better things to do.