An Apologia

This is a sign of the End Times. We have witnessed two apologies from the Amarillo Globe-News over chickens and hospitals. We have wondered if Less Simpson would next apologize for Van Camp’s fact uncheckered twaddle (Camp Latrine Spreads HIV).

Now comes an apology so unexpected, so unimaginably unforeseen that even atheists would think Hell had frozen over. It is so improbable that for it to happen by chance or purpose we can conceive of it occurring only after the universe had aged to trillions upon trillions of years, becoming a cold and darkened infinite expanse with every star a leaden cinder. Still, there are other desolate voids where calamus venenum may make an apology to Virgil Van Camp.

Yes, I apologize to Virgil Van Camp for taking him to task for the bogus statement that

"The newest scourge sweeping the world, HIV/AIDS, is believed to have originated in African chimpanzees being used to develop a Hepatitis B vaccine.”

Because it ain’t his.

He may think his great knowledge of civil aviation and those high flights aloft extends his expertise to the broadest horizon, when it is obvious his myopic vision has hardly wandered past his own cockpit. Whether it is Kerry’s combat experience or Muslim religion, the socio-economics of third world countries or American civil rights, he might as well be reading a British imperialist tome about the one-legged people of Mumbajumba upside down without oxygen at 20,000 feet.

But this man who lets us know he is such an expert, who reads volumes about his subject, who researches his material in depth, cannot be credited for not having a clue about the origins of HIV in Africa. He thought homosexuals in Africa gave it to heterosexuals.

Since the chimps and the Hepatitis B vaccine story was not Van Camp’s original origin for HIV, I humbly apologize.

Now, you may think this begs the question of where them African homosexuals got it. The problem is they didn’t. HIV in Africa has been and is being spread by heterosexuals. But for Van Camp it must have come from gays, cause it’s a gay disease, and his entire piece is about morality and disease punishing the wicked, and aren’t gays immoral? So once again a little prejudice has been neatly covered up.

But if the chimp/vaccine story isn’t his where did it come from? Another apology: it didn’t slip past the fact checkers at the Amarillo Globe-News. It came from the fact checkers at the Amarillo Globe-News.

Any comment, Mr. Simpson?