Just Say No to Tinpot Shot*

On June 1st Comptroller of New York State Alan Hevesi clumsily complemented Senator Charles Schumer during a commencement address by saying that Schumer was the kind of man "who will put a bullet between the president's eyes if he could get away with it.”

Though Hevesi quickly apologized, his remark naturally generated a firestorm of protest on the Right, with the requisite questioning of his fitness for office, calls for his resignation, and demands that he be arrested for threatening the life of the president.¹ (Ann Coulter has not weighed in on whether Hevesi, as a public official, should simply be impeached or assassinated.)

Such an ill conceived statement, whether meant in tribute or in jest, simply has no place in civil discourse and can only be condemned. Such a scene conjured up is too horrible to imagine, for a projectile transiting George’s forehead would mean sudden decompression and nearby innocent² bystanders being sucked to their deaths like astronauts exposed to the vacuum of space.

¹The Right has long behaved as if George Bush were a god, that any untoward remark is a sacrilegious offense, and that anyone who does not bow down and worship him as they do are heathens condemned to Hell. This is the first time they seem to put forward the notion he could be mortal. Maybe not a mere mortal, but a mortal never the less, which will last until the Republican Party replaces the current official state religion.

²Except for Barney, the Bushs' Scottish-Terrier, implicated in International Law and Geneva Conventions violations by appearing in some of the as yet undisclosed Abu Ghraib interrogation photographs. If true this provides investigators a direct link between the torture scandal and the White House.³

It is also alleged that master political strategist Karl Rove fingered Barney as the "second White House official" in the Valerie Plame case, thus relieving himself of possible indictment.

Concerning such allegations Barney spokesperson Shep said "Grrrrrr, grrrrrr"

³ Freepers think the Abu Ghraib Barney was a Democratic plant meant to embarrass the White House. Conspiracy theorists believe the current Barney is a substitute, while the original Barney, their "C.I.A." sources say darkly, "has piddled on his last fire hydrant."

*Be it known this bit mentions acts held illegal according to United States federal law, but in a manner loosely defined as humorous by F.I.S.A.
Due to Statute -,which suspends certain provisions of Amendment , this bit has been reviewed, registered and reluctantly approved for publication under the   Jape and Jest Act of  ,  enacted  , by  .  under his authority as  in  and  of the   of .