More of PTS’s exclusive look at JJ Abram’s new film:
As our valiant hero Mac Thornsmallberrys guides his squadron into battle against the horrible beastie (from an extremely safe distance) death rays suddenly flash from the menacing monster’s eyes, vaporizing the avenging aircraft into little itty bits.
The courageous Thornsmallberrys, champion of truth and objectivity, declares the engagement a victory and retreats to his small 30,000 acre ranch to spend the last of his remaining farm subsidy millions.
Meanwhile the creature has descended upon the fairest jewel in the entire city, the last bastion of truth, justice, and equality throughout the land. Below it spies its next victim, the piddling pusillanimous paper publisher himself.
But wait! What’s this? In a freakish turnabout the two find puppy love and bound to the top of the Fisk Building, favorite haunt of drunken bums and bloggers who pee in its abandoned desiccated toilets.
Here on the romantic windswept heights of the Fisk they shall mate and produce a master race, the supreme pitiless pit bull, the ultimate baying breed of beagle bigots.
But their fanatical dreams of oppressing humanity are not to be consummated this day. Their vigorous if errant mounting is suddenly interrupted by the attack of the Pantex Plutonium Pussy. 
A victim of one of the many “incidents” at a top secret installation near Amarillo, Pantex Plutonium Pussy is now America’s secret weapon against giant evil pit bulls, terrorism, and creeping liberal progressivism at home and throughout the world. 
All cheer Pantex Plutonium Pussy!
Next on PTS E!: Mobs of Mutant Monster Mice created to feed Pantex Plutonium Pussy rampage across the country raiding our cheese factories! Only on PTS E!
|