This morning the wise words of the Ghostly VoiceTM of the Amarillo Globe-Republican appeared online beside what initially appeared to be a giant eye in a pyramid! I smiled with liberal intellectual self-satisfaction at the realization that the Editors were finally implicitly admitting that their rantings were as reality-based as the space aliens and Bigfeet of the Weekly World News.
Unfortunately, I quickly realized that the Giant Flashing Eye was merely an ad for The Laser Center for Vision. There was nothing new. It was not Truth that I had found on the Opinion page, but Capitalism.
Still, the effect remained. The words of the VoiceTM were certainly no less-- I'm looking for a word here1-- than the tabloid reality of the Weekly World News. The Ghost claimed that there is
no proof [that] Bush lied about Iraq, WMD.Okay, that's technically true, and I'll buy it in the same way that I bought the following, many years ago:
[inhaling noise from direction of college roommate]See, conspiracy theories have gotten a bad name from association with all the wackos that make them into a religion. If you study history, conspiracies have been the modus operandi for civilizations, governments, and wanna-be governments from Brutus to Boris and beyond. So this belief that somehow conspiracies don't exist in this relatively small place and time is truly wacky. And usually self-serving on the part of the people who perpetuate the notion.
Roommate: Dude, what if we're all imagining all of this, man? What if, like, this whole freaking world is like a dream in the head of some supernatural being, man? What if we're all just laboratory rats in some alien civilization's maze? How do you know you really even exist, man? Dude, you just freaked me out. I mean, I freaked me out. You don't even exist.
[gales of giggles]
The Ghost maintains that the president made a mistake-- certainly a big step for a Ghost who has previously elevated W to near-godhood. But it takes a quite a leap to believe that all the vast technological and human intelligence resources of the world's only superpower simply mistakenly created something that wasn't there. Not missed seeing something. Created something. Out of the blue. Totally by accident.
No, it's much easier to believe that we're not all that exceptional, that our leaders lie to get what they want and then lie when they get caught. The elephant is standing in the living room with a bright pink bow and the face of Nixon, and the Ghost still refuses to see it. It's the Ghost's non-conspiracy theory, and it's about as fuzzy as the face on Mars.
SPACEDARK
1The word means "totally made the hell up". You'll have to forgive my inarticulateness. I'm at home battling a stomach virus.
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