Nose Held Hostage?

Despite an interrogative post standing for over a week and inquiring e-mail (see “Can Kanelis Keep His Nose?", PTS July 2, 2007), Mr. Kanelis’ nose has failed to respond. As a prominent and protuberant member of the Fourth Estate it has shown little hesitation sticking itself into people’s business, but now tweaked we hear not a snort, not a sniff, nor a snuffle.

At first it was suspected the nose had been put out of joint and was spurning our inquiry. Could a simple question turn up the nose with contempt? Was the nose looking down itself in disdain? Had this little feather gotten up his nose? It all seemed quite uncharacteristic for the nose to run from such a minor challenge.

Knowing how hard-nosed Kanelis’ probative proboscis can be, there seemed only one other explanation as to why the nose had taken a powder. It was not that it was unwilling to respond, but that it was unable to reply.

Had Kanelis’ nose gone missing? Were nose prints taken to identify it? If he didn’t have a nose how does he smell? Badly?

No, no, no, we are on the wrong scent.

My theory, which is mine, as to why we have not heard from Kanelis is that Less Simpson is holding his nose. You may laugh, but I do not think this theory is something to be sneezed at. I believe the nose has been muzzled.

As long as Less Simpson keeps Kanelis’ nose to the grindstone he can’t perform his “smell test” on the mayor and city commissioners so that they will keep their noses clean. It’s as plain as the beak on Dav* H*nry’s face.

Does this mean the end of Kanelis’ nose as we know it? Will he never smell again, cut off despite his face? Let us hope not. But who knows what is paid through the nose right under our noses.