Tuesday Briefs: Tush and Bush

·Double-D Standards: D*ve H*nry’s column on government intervention, private property rights and a sexually oriented business should be read in every journalism school throughout Texas. It is an excellent example of why journalists should strive to be clear in their writing, and why being clever and witty is best left to the professionals. In his attempt at sexual similes H*nry actually outwits himself into near meaningless entenuendos, no mean effort for a bona fide halfwit, which is why he should also leave sex to the professionals or get more practice when he’s alone.

The Amarillo Globe-News and H*nry especially have long defended the sacrosanct private property rights of business owners, particularly when it comes to smoking and any whiff of ordinances. Even county government intervention to clean up a public health menace troubles him greatly, though its owner has taken no action for years.

Contrast this with his treatment of a sexually oriented business (SOB for short), which he thinks should be stripped of its license. Our stout defender of commerce, our upright champion of business owners who may do anything they please, seems to have gone limp on this one. Perhaps if Henry saw their smoking vagina section in peril he would come to a different conclusion.


·Blow Job: John Kanelis wrote such a stumbling fumble-bum of a column with "Single-member issue back again" that it was thought he was writing a cryptic work of satire to deceive his masters, or since it was so stumbling fumble-bummed it was actually penned by D*ve H*nry.¹

While Kanelis seems to recover nicely in "Booze ban doesn't protect anyone", a reasonable bit on Canyon’s archaic system of “dry” alcohol sales, he fails to resist the H*nryesque urge to conjure up an AGN championship theme -- Amarillo’s failed anti-smoking ordinance:

“opponents complained that government should not dictate to business owners whether they should allow smoking in their establishment. [ . . . ] I sense a similar logic between those who opposed the smoking ordinance and those who would lift the phony "ban" on alcohol sales in certain jurisdictions.”

Kanelis’ sense of logic is much like H*nry’s: co-opted to the AGN. The motif of business owners defending themselves against an intrusive government is little more than a smokescreen for the Amarillo Globe-News’ crusade against anti-smoking efforts. They would ban tits in private but will do anything to maintain butt sucking in public. To that end Kanelis, sensible but empty sweater that he is, blows smoke.

¹[Cat’s meow, I do believe my “did you write this or D*ve H*nry?” question to John may have offended him. Do let your ex-hubby -- our hero -- know there are no hard feelings. And John, if it is any consolation, maybe you are capable of writing your own tripe.]

·Dipstick: Ralph Henson, notorious hamster-brained conservative, got his panties in a twist because Bob Ray Sanders compared Henson’s Bush to President Pervez Musharraf, who declared martial law in Pakistan. A little side-by-side between a constitution ripping president and his dictator ally just flames the nuance-challenged Henson, who sees it as spanking Bush unnecessarily and of the worst sort:

“I thought, even if we disagreed with him, that our president deserved some respect; not vilification and constant mudslinging and name-calling.”

Oh where was this deserved respect for that pimp-murderer-rapist we had ten years ago?

Henson believes Sanders “should never present an unknown or a lie as the truth” and that he "should recant and resign.” I guess Henson, having repeated lies as the truth himself, will recant and resign. Oh wait, never mind. The Amarillo Globe-News will spread their pages wide and let right-wingers bugger the truth as always.