“It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of a thing he was never reasoned into”

Jonathan Swift
"The Democrats have moved to the right, and the right has moved into a mental hospital." - Bill Maher
"The city is crowded my friends are away and I'm on my own
It's too hot to handle so I gotta get up and go

It's a cruel ... cruel summer"

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Local Scientist discovers "true" cause of Climate Change/Global Warming

Local scientist Keith Ferguson published a recent article in American Jackass Magazine, which reveals the real cause of Global Warming. Upon hearing of this breakthrough a PTS news team rushed to his home where they conducted the following interview.

PTS Reporter -- Mr. Ferguson we understand you've discovered the real cause of Global Warming.

KF(Keith Ferguson) -- Yessir

PTS -- Tell us a little bit about your discovery.

KF -- Well sir turns out Global Warmin' ain't got nothin' ta do with any a' that stuff Al Gore done said it did.

PTS -- I see. And you've discovered the real cause correct?

KF -- Turns out the earth is just leanin' a bit on 'er axis. 't happens ev'r now 'n then. Heats thangs up in some places, cools 'em down 'n others.

PTS -- Interesting. I assume you have some research and other data to back up your conclusion.

KF -- Didn't need it. Figer'd it out frum ma couch.

PTS -- What about the piles of data and nearly universal agreement amongst scientists who have been studying this problem since the early seventies. Their research shows...

KF -- You know whut you uppity piece a' shit. Them trench coat wearing faggots can kiss my rosy ass. They can take all they insterments and calculatin' and stick 'em where the sun cain't shine.

PTS -- Okay. Let me ask you this. Do you have any evidence that the earth is tilting on it's axis?

KF -- I stuck my head out the backdoor asshole and things looked a little sideways too me okay. Now you better get your ass out the door before I unload with two barrels a' double aught shot. Uppity college boys. A man can figer' out all he needs ta know from his couch.

At this point the PTS news team was forced to flee as Mr. Ferguson's pair of pit bulls accidently escaped from their back yard confinement.

This has been the PTS news team reporting live from the home of Keith Ferguson.