it was one of those weeks

It was a week that tested all of us. Across Texas, students and teachers confronted the TAKS. The Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills, more than anything else, was testing people’s patience. Over the years, the rules that surrounded the test had gotten ever more draconian. Teachers—once allowed to grade papers, look at a magazine, or read a book during testing—were now under strict orders to spend the entire 4-5 hours of each test staring at the students. Computers were to be off. Cell phones were to be locked up. Rumor had it that a teacher down in Marfa had blinked two hours into her TAKS Stare, and had been called before a kangaroo court—or would that be an armadillo court?—in Austin, prosecuted by Texas Education Association officials and judged by a bewigged Margaret Spellings. In the end, all of the tests out of Marfa had to be burned, and the ashes buried. Students were forced to “re-test”; most would rather have been caned.

Meanwhile, the faith of the good Christians at the Amarillo Globe-Republican was tested again and again as the children of polygamy continued to pour into Boys Ranch. Truly and verily the reporters and editors of the AGR—to a one, wearing their religion on their bumper in the form of a plastic ΙΧΘΥΣ fish—knew that these were devil’s brats, but journalistic standards demanded more objectivity than that. So they bent over backwards, nearly as far as they had to when they printed a Letter to the Editor from a Communist¹, interviewing mothers and pretending not to judge. Thankfully, the National Day of Prayer arrived on Thursday to cleanse the reporters who were forced to write dispassionately about the Satanists and Cannibals from Eldorado.

There was, however, little doubt that Scott Camarata, pro-smoking crusader, could pass a math test. A simple one, at least. “One of one person is going to die period,” he said, “regardless of what we do.” The print barely dried on the Globe-Republican in which those words were printed before Camarata was contacted by an army of Republican functionaries. He had happened upon the perfect slogan for Republican campaigns in 2008. “One of one person is going to die,” regardless of what we do in Iraq. “One of one person is going to die,” regardless of what we do about the economy. “One of one person is going to die,” regardless of what we do about global warming. And so on.

It was one of those weeks.

spacedark

¹ Or, as they were known in the Godless portions of the country, “Democrats”.