Dishing and Dissing Makes Life Nasty, Not Better

I have read the entire thread from Blogarillo's recent post, but rather than commenting on it, I wanted to introduce some new ideas regarding Senator Obama and Rev. Wright.

My basic concern is that there is a tendency abroad in the land to ask much more of Sen. Obama than most of us ask of ourselves every day. We have all heard deplorable things said by people we meet, some of them by those we are close to and admire. For the most part, most of us don't do anything about those remarks, certainly not in person, for several reasons. First, we want to belong to our community and prefer to ignore such things rather than argue about them. Second, we know our friends first for the things we like in them, and we want to build on those relationships rather than tear them down. Third, choosing a community, especially a church community is no small matter to most people. For every person I've ever met who voluntarily left their church, I know dozens who have sat faithfully in the pews and took in what they liked about the church, all while disagreeing fundamentally with the views coming from the pulpit. It seems easy and more than a little self-righteous to imagine that one would leave over a conflict one has never had to face. If we listen, Obama teaches us that leadership requires listening to criticism more than dishing it out.

I recall quite vividly the very first time I met my wife's family, who live in rural Kentucky. I found them to be very warm, welcoming, open, direct and generous. They were also ignorant, small-minded and bigoted. In the course of a weekend, I probably heard the N-word used more than I had in my whole life up to then. I heard slanders of various ethnic groups. I was expected to sit and eat with the men, while the women served us, and then ate after us. This was all very difficult for me. It was hard to figure out how this family produced a woman like my wife. Of course, I was in love, and I was not going to abandon her because of them. But my faith in her continues to be justified. She has never acted like that; quite the opposite, she is generous even when angry. And over time, as I have spent more time with her family, I have seen them change. There hasn't been a gender-discrminating meal there in at least 20 years. I have not heard racial epithets at all in recent visits. A few months ago, they even asked me about my preference for president, and did not exhibit any concern when I said that I was supporting Barack Obama. They were genuinely interested and open to considering him. They didn't change because of me. Over time, we have had some conversations about such things, but I never made it a big issue. I think they changed because their social environment changed (and frankly, because some of the older family members passed away).

It is certainly fair to ask how Sen. Obama himself behaved and how he behaves today. How does he treat other people? Does he act or vote in a way that suggests intolerance or misunderstanding? I have spent a lot of time researching his record, because I believe in assessing politicians as I might race horses, according to past performance. I don't see any evidence in the public record of insensitivity or intolerance. If I did, I would stand up and say so. Quite the contrary, I see someone who is committed to the ideals he espouses and who lives them daily. One of the central ideas of his campaign is that anyone can slice and dice someone else's words to give the impression that they are not what they seem, but that this is the kind of dishonest politics most people are tired of. The notion that Obama just gives speeches, but doesn't put those into practice is inconsistent with the evidence.

Guilt by association is a dangerous, multi-edged sword. It is we, as individuals, who need to look in the mirror and honestly ask if we have taken, or even if we should always take every opportunity to argue with others, and break from others who occasionally say despicable things. Many national politicians are so driven to promote themselves that they would willingly, and without much reflection, throw virtually anyone under the bus who got in their way, including their minister, their grandmother or their spouse. Many people give Hillary Clinton credit for having stayed with her husband despite his misbehavior that embarrassed and humiliated her. Those same people should now give Barack Obama the same credit for acting with class and humanity, and for not behaving in the same way that his mentor sometimes did. Anything less appears to me supremely hypocritical.

In sum, the old rule applies. People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. If tribal instinct is more powerful than generosity of spirit, then clearly a democratic, multiethnic nation of 300 million has no chance. The ravings of a deluded minority not withstanding, I choose to be an optimist.