Every once in a while you hear that some lit critic/techno geek has fed the King James Version of the Bible into a computer program and found that, based on word frequency and usage, the KJV was written by, say, William Shakespeare, and not God, as had been previously thought. But then other lit critics take the opportunity to go to war over whether Shakespeare even wrote any of his own plays and the whole thing gets bogged down in a mess of confusion and everyone pretty much goes on believing whatever they believed in the first place.
Confusion: that’s one of the reasons we’re against the anonymous editorials published by the Amarillo Globe-Republican and other newspapers. No one takes responsibility. They’re supposed to be the “historical voice of the newspaper” but we’ve never been able to figure out what the hell that means. But sometimes the Ghostly VoiceTM that causes these columns to magically appear every day isn’t so mysterious. Some days you can use a similar methodology to the litcrittechgeeks’ computers and find words or phrases in the hate-filled screeds of the Ghostly VoiceTM that sound like some or another Globe-Republican “writer.”
In this morning’s maniacal rant (insensitively titled "Bully for John Bolton: U.N. needs some tough love”), the Ghost uses phrases used all the time by (surprise!) Dave “The Wingnut” Henry. Here are some specific examples; links are to other places Dave the Wingnut has used the very same words (but there are many, many other examples; Henry has used the last three words/phrases more than 100 times each since the Globe-Republican archives went on-line in 1997. A writer of infinite variety, the Wingnut ain't).
- “the U.N. needs a kick in the pants” ("kick in the pants" is to the Wingnut what "so it goes" is to Vonnegut. Only without the surrounding talent.)
- “Talk about foxes guarding henhouses,” cf. "the old adage of putting the fox in charge of the henhouse couldn't be more appropriate"
- “tough,” cf. "Taking a tough stand for the Pledge", "To pray or not to pray? It's a tough question", "Claude, Gruver girls have tough task", and "Nazareth leads tough 1A field" (the last two are from the Wingnut's Sports Desk days)
- “Bully,” cf. "continuing to bully counties," "kind of like getting the kid who just got beat up by the playground bully to watch your back," "Compare it to the playground bully merely watching a fight," "typical playground bully - a 14-year-old picking on 12-year-olds," and "Parents, teachers, preachers, police, bullies - all these groups could be perceived as the devil"
- “let’s be realistic,” cf. "it is not realistic," "a realistic view," "more realistic perspective," "more realistic perspective," "a realistic opinion," and "is about as realistic as."
I’m convinced enough to recommend that, if you want to complain about, for example, the headline that mocks the suffering of people who may have been abused by Bolton at the State Department, you should complain to Dave Henry. If you find the concluding paragraph—suggesting that a single obnoxious individual hold the representatives of the entire world “accountable”—to be jingoistic and belligerent, blame Dave the Wingnut. If you think the Ghostly VoiceTM needs to be educated that appointing an ambassador to the U.N. who has recommended that the Secretariat Building “lose ten stories” is also an example of “foxes guarding henhouses”, well, educate Dave.
SPACEDARK
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